"Who Are You?" The Self-Knowledge Questions You Should Know

Lola: I found this new study station and I’m obsessed. I’ve been getting so much work done in my office with it on because it’s the perfect music to concentrate to. I found them on Instagram on a study insta page and I’m so glad that I did. That’s the music you heard for a second in the background today. They’re called chillwithtaiki and they're on Instagram, YouTube, Spotify, apple. I have their playlist on apple music and I’m subscribed on YouTube because it’s bomb. Sometimes I even listen to the station to go to sleep. I turn it on, hit my vape pen, my bowl or both depending on the day, lmao, take a pungent greens gummy and knock tf out, lol. I’ll leave the study station info in the show notes though. On another note, I think I want roller-skates y’all. I have a few friends online that roller-skate and it looks so fun but I’m just terrified I’m gonna break my neck, lol. But I follow a few skate pages and I’ve been watching some girls skate online and I’ve been seeing some adorable skates that I now want so I think roller-skating might just be my next new hobby. Do y’all skate? Anybody else picking up any new hobbies? I know a lot of people picked up new things during the pandemic because what else were we doing but roller-skating from what I’ve seen has been a really great way to get in shape and have fun and meet new people. So, I think I might just jump on board cause me and my little introverted heart wanna roller-skate too. Plus, I have hardwood floors upstairs in my house so I can practice like all the time, lol. Woot Woot!! Anyway y’all, let’s get into this episode.

Podcast Intro

Lola: Hey y’all and welcome back to the podcast, if you’re new here hello, how are ya? I’m Lola and Welcome to the Awkward Mom Stage and If you’re back for another episode, thank you so much for supporting the show. 

Today’s episode we’re talking about self-knowledge questions you should know the answers to but if you don’t even know what the questions are how can you answer them right? Well don’t worry cause ya girls got the questions you should be asking yourself right here. When starting this self-love and discovery journey of mine I didn’t realize that part of the journey was going to be me finding myself yet again. I thought it would be all chill vibes and I just keep saying I love myself and one day I’d wake up a new woman. HA, I was wrong as hell if you didn’t already know. HAHA but yeah, getting married and having kids young, especially when you are still kind of growing up and learning about yourself and what you want and don’t want, what you like and what you don’t like. I can tell you first hand that the shit you were ok with at 23 is DEFINETLY not what you tryin to get down with at 35, lmao. You also realize how important values, conversations, and all that are before committing your life to someone forever ya know. But that’s also shit you should learn when you’re growing up. Not all of us had that luxury of super doting parents or whatever so we work with what we got. I know for me at least the journey along this self-love and discovery road is a hard one. Especially if both you and your partner have no guidance and no good examples of healthy relationships and marriages to go off on. So, I definitely lost myself in the last 12 years of my life. 

Everything in my life changed pretty drastically within a few short months, after marriage and more kids my life changed even more. From life struggles, mental struggles, financial struggles, emotional battles, post-partum, and the works, I couldn’t tell you who I was if you held me at gun point honesty. I actually could probably sing all the words to Doja Cat’s Mooo! Before I could answer that question. With that said, that isn’t a good look. So, I had to really start looking inside myself and figuring out what I wanted, what I missed, what I need out of life, love, relationships, and all of that. 

So here are some of the most important questions you should be asking and answering for yourself to help you learn more about who you are, what you want and how to be happy in life. You’ll definitely grow leaps and bounds once you’ve figured yourself out and what you want. That’s the first huge step, then the next would be going after it without fear, which is another thing that’s easier said than done. Because the whole point is to figure out what makes you truly happy and what’s going to be the best course of action in life for you right? So, let’s get to it. 

Bell Chime

Lola: Ok so, Who Are You? The greatest blind spot we all have is ourselves. We don’t know ourselves THAT well and we certainly don’t see ourselves the way others do. Honestly, truly knowing yourself might be one of the biggest challenges you’ll ever face in life. But it’s certainly a challenge that’s worth pursuing, I think.

Knowing yourself better has so many benefits. You become better at managing yourself and your life. You become better at defecting situations that aren’t good for you, knowing when to walk away and it makes self-love a whole lot easier too because when you truly know yourself then you know exactly what you need when you need it. You know, mind, body, and soul type shit I think, lol. 

Well anyway, I found 14 Self-Knowledge Questions you should as Ask Yourself. I’ll answer them too so we can see if this self-love and discovery thing is doing anything for me yet, lol. 

*Bell Chime*

Number 1 would be, what activities do I engage in to distract myself from my challenges? Basically, everyone has different ways of avoiding the things that we don’t want to do. You might go to eating, shopping, watching TV, on the internet all day, calling or texting a friend or friends, cleaning the house, reading a book, or doing literally anything that’s not the task you need to be working on.

For me I will either obsessively clean, watch shows, or like get stuck on Instagram and Tik Tok all day ya know? I mean, as soon as its time to do whatever task or face whatever obstacle I automatically default to a comfort activity of some sort to distract myself with a distraction from the thing I actually need to not be distracted from in the first place, lol. You follow me? Lol, Hence the fact I found that study station I talked about in the intro today because I would get so distracted trying not to focus on whatever task that I would just start watching whatever I turned on even if I had already watched it a million times and knew all the words (yes, The Office is one of my many comfort distraction shows, lol) or I would play music and then get distracted by the lyrics and then I’m playing out music videos in my head instead of focusing on said task, lol. So, it was just a cycle that needed to be broken in order to get anything done.

With that said, you need to figure out what your go to distractions are and when you catch yourself defaulting to those, stop and find something that’s going to help you stay on task or get away from that distraction so you’re able to continue working on whatever you need to get done or focus on. Maybe even get an accountability partner to help you at certain times or on certain days to help keep you on task and away from your distraction zones so you can focus on whatever your attention needs to be on. Just get it over with already, lol. 

Understanding how you distract yourself allows you to notice when you’re avoiding what needs to be done. So put down the chips and step away from the remote and get to work, lol. 

*Bell Chime*

Lola: Number 2 is What would I tell my younger self? I have heard this question many times in life actually. I feel like once I hit the age of 25 and up, I kept hearing people ask that question more and more. Everyone wishes they had a time machine so they could give themselves a do-over. I don’t know how many movies, shows, etc. have sparked conversations of going back in time and correcting many mistakes and righting many wrongs but since that’s not an option at the moment. We will put a pin in that one and as ourselves with what we know now, what would you tell your younger self? For me I think the biggest thing I would tell myself is don’t rush. Live life, learn another language fluently, learn all you can about credit, investing, stocks, just all that adulting stuff they don’t teach in school, manifest, travel, be young, explore, get out and meet new people, try new things, experience love and heartbreak so that when you find true love there’s no doubt, forgive and let go, but mostly to know and love yourself unapologetically. Be and do who and what makes you truly happy and do it for you. Because trust me when I say, doing things to please others will get you nowhere. As an Enneagram 2 I wholeheartedly understand being a people pleaser and it has gotten me nowhere that I wanted to be in the past or present. I would tell my younger self to trust yourself and listen to your gut. Don’t always be so quick to judge but also don’t always act on impulse. Sometimes impulsive decisions lead to poor choices or consequences you didn’t foresee after the fact. So yeah, I think that’s what I would tell my younger self. 

What about you? What would you tell your younger self?

*Bell Chime*

Number 3 is at what time of day can I focus the most easily? For me focus is hard because it really depends on the day, what’s going on and what happened the night before. Also, if I’m sick or I’m dealing with some personal shit it’s going to vary. But on a regular basic day I think for me I focus best late mornings. That’s when I’m up and I’ve had my coffee and got my mind right. When it’s still quiet because everyone in the house is still asleep. Or during the school year it’s after I’ve gotten the kids off to school and I’m back and I’ve gone through my whole morning routine and what not. Then I can sit and focus when the house is quiet. I also will tend to sit and plan things out better for the following days or whatever in the evening after the house has calmed down and everyone is relaxing or asleep. That’s when I focus the most. 

Which most people experience a better ability to focus either earlier in the day time or later in the day. Finding out when you find it easiest to focus will help you figure out how you can use that information in your daily life. So, you’re focusing better and thus getting more stuff done and feeling less stressed and overwhelmed in the process. 

Number 4 is at what time of day am I the most creative and I feel like that kind of goes hand in hand with number 3 because when you’re able to focus you can accomplish more and if you’re a creative of any kind you know that you need concentration. So, when are you at your best creatively? Once you find out when and how you can focus the best then you can see the patterns of when your creativity peaks as well. Then you can take that information and see how you can use it in your daily life. If you’re trying to start a business or your business or job involves you being creative then knowing the best times for you to focus and create can be detrimental to your life in more ways than one. 

*Bell Chime*

Lola: Ok Numbers 5 and 6 kind rolls with each other too because one question is What are 10 words that accurately describe you? Ugh, why did I say I would answer these on here too? Lmao, naw just kidding but really though, what are 10 words that I think describe me right now? Hmmm. I’d say I would describe myself right now as quiet, creative, monotone, honest, loyal, hardworking, strong, reliable, accidentally funny (seriously because people say I’m funny sometimes and I’m just like am I though? Idk it could be my sarcasm who knows, but I think that’s it oh and driven makes 10 for me. And I mean, you have to be honest with yourself when answering this too because it will help in the long run. If when you picked your 10 words but those aren’t the words, you’d like to describe you then that goes right into number 6 which is What are the 10 words that you wish described you? And now is when you would list the 10 words you wish were accurate about you. For me I think the only other words I would say I would want to describe me are like ambitious, confident which that’s all in last week’s episode when we discussed the differences in self-esteem and self-confidence. I want both high self-esteem and confidence but confidence is in your ability so I want people to describe me as having both. Successful, inspirational, courageous, adventurous, rich, lol no, but seriously, though, I do wanna be rich, hahaha. As Cher would say I wanna be a rich man, I don’t wanna need one, lol. 

But anyway, if you don’t like the words that describe you now then you’ll want to list the words that you actually want to describe you and work towards those.

*Podcast Midroll*

Ok number 7 gets a little deeper and it is What am I currently tolerating in my life? For me there’s a lot of things I’m tolerating that I shouldn’t and that’s on me for not figuring my shit out sooner but hey, were all learning here, lol. I do know that I’m currently tolerating a shitty bedtime and wake up routine and I’ve been depriving myself of a healthier lifestyle so I’ll just go ahead and spill the beans on that one. I’ve honesty given up on my health journey and I really need to get back to it but personal shit has gotten in the way. But we will save all that for another day, lol. 

You’ll wanna make a list of the things that you’re currently tolerating. Is it your boss? Your partner? The shitty neighbor in 12B that doesn’t respect how thin your walls are? An unreliable car? Your health issues or the weight you’ve wanted to lose? Debt? Bad Sex? Shitty weed? Your kid being an asshole? Your cat always looking at you shifty? Is your extended car warranty really in need of renewing? Whatever it is, what are you tolerating that you wish was out of your life? 

You gotta sit down and make a list and then tackle that list one by one. Obviously if your obstacle is a person or a pet or whatever it’s going to take some finesse but you gotta get to the bottom of whatever it is that you’re just tolerating in life that’s totally unnecessary and blocking you from what your life can truly become. 

*Bell Chime*

Number 8 is that question that I feel you see often on those like spiritual billboards and shit where it asks you like What do you believe is the meaning of life? That is the question btw, lol. What is the meaning of life to you and are you living your life accordingly? If the answer is no, which my answer is no so we need to sit down and hash out what the meaning of life is to us and then get to living that way. 

For me I want peace, land, fresh air and a happy family. Sounds like a movie, right? But if I want it, I can have it, just gotta do the work to get there right? Well, I guess I gotta figure out the meaning of life to me first and then go from there. 

Number 9 really should have been up there with lucky number 7 and the what are you tolerating question because this one is If I had to drop one person from my life, who would it be? That would also go with the who or what am I tolerating list because someone you need to drop from your life but haven’t yet is in fact someone or a situation you’re tolerating. So, you need to sit and name that one person or people because it might not be just 1 that you would eliminate from your life. But if you had to choose just one, pick that person and then answer the question Why that person? Why are they still part of your life? Then go from there on how and when you’re going to remove them.

Also, removing someone from your life may not be a permanent thing. It could just be the season you’re in isn’t one they can be in with you or they may be blocking you from greater things whether you or them realize it or not. Or maybe they do and they’re doing it on purpose or out of fear. Either way you need to eliminate the negativity or blockage in your life in order to move forward. So, pull out those scissors and snip snip!!

*Bell Chime*

We’re down to number 10 y’all, we got 4 life altering questions to answer after that and were done listing all the ways we’ve been blocking our blessing, lol. Just kidding, but seriously the question is What would be the perfect day for me? It’s easier to have a good day if you know what a great day looks like. For some it could be a great day at the beach, relaxing on the sand, alone or with family and friends. For me I love to sight see so getting to find a cool new spot to explore and take pictures or try a new activity or food. Those days are usually the most fun for me. So, I think that would for sure be my answer is a fun day of exploring or eating good food. My favorite thing is going to New York and taking little foodcations. Walking the city and eating food. Yeah bomb! Any who, you’ll wanna describe your perfect day. Then you’ll want to take that day and basically one up it I guess because after describing your perfect day you now want to try to describe an even better day than that.

Number 11 may be a pretty easy one for some which is Whom do I most respect? For me I would say I respect women grinding and doing the damn thing and just being themselves, I mean my list couldn’t just be one person because there’s so many women that I respect and admire for what they have accomplished and some for just being them. From celebrities to my canna moms just being who they are and living life. So, I guess for me it would be many but if you have just one in particular you can list that person and then list why you respect that person? Do you have any of the same traits that this person has and how would your life change if you had these traits? 

*Buzzsprout Mid Roll*

Lola: Number 12 is What would I do if I were less afraid? I mean for me I can think of so many things, public speaking, I would definitely put myself out there more and talk more freely if I were less afraid. I think, well I know fear limits everyone. There’s always something that limited someone’s ability to do something. No matter who they are at one point in their life fear either stopped them or came deathly close to stopping them from doing something they wanted to do and the biggest difference in those people and the ones still holding onto the fear (myself included in that mix) is those people that didn’t let fear stop them are successful in whatever it was they were trying to do before fear stepped in and tried to ruin them. 

So, you’ll want to sit and think, in what ways is fear limiting you? Most people believe they have conquered their fears, when in reality they’ve found ways to avoid those fears instead. A life built around the need to avoid your fears is a life that’s going to be limited. 

*Bell Chime*

Number 13 is What is my greatest weakness? I feel like this question was on so many of those stupid online applications you have to fill out to get a job and it’s like stop playing with me. You know damn well you don’t care about my weaknesses because you’re just going to pay me the lowest wage you possibly can to put the most money in your own pocket. Lmao anyway, but seriously you want to find your biggest weakness so you can correct it or turn it into a strength. My biggest weakness is people pleasing. Again, with the Enneagram 2 we can go all the way back in the podcast archives to Season 2 Episode 4: Finding Your True Self: What's Your Enneagram and Myers Briggs Personality Type? Where I talk all about my enneagram and Myers Briggs results and people pleasing was my weakness for sure. 

No one is perfect and weaknesses are part of life. You want to ask yourself What is your weakness and how is it impacting your life? How can you work around it or better yet work on it?

*Bell Chimes* 

Alright y’all last but not least is number 14. What is my greatest strength? Once you’ve figured out your weakness, you’ll wanna figure out what your strength is too. My greatest strength is probably my creativity and imagination. I have a really great imagination and I love that about myself. Keeps me young, lol. No but you wanna see How can I use my greatest strength to my best advantage? Ask yourself, have I been taking full advantage of my strength? 

Once you’ve sat down and answered all the questions you can really sit and reflect on the answers and see what you need to work on. 

Knowing yourself makes you powerful. If you know your strengths, your weaknesses, and how to manage yourself effectively, you become a powerful person. If you know the type of person you want to be and how you want to live, you have a direction in which you want to go and you know how to get there. Knowing yourself fully is really  the true path to freedom. 

*Bell Chimes* 

Lola: Well, that’s it for this episode y’all. 

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Byyyeeee!!

Podcast Outro