“I Lost My Best Friend” Coping with Loss and Grief

Chantèa: Hey y’all and welcome back to the podcast. If you’re new here, hi hello, and welcome. I’m Chantèa, and I’m so glad you’re here.

I don’t really have a topic for today. My mind is still kind of fried. While I had planned to make this fun and exciting return to the show, things in my personal life took a terrible turn with the sudden loss of our family dog. She just turned 10 on July 18th, and she passed after being sick for a few days suddenly at the vet that Saturday morning.

Words can’t express how I feel. My heart is broken, and so is our family. Brooklen has been there through a lot, and this is something that will weigh heavy on my heart and soul for a while. I’m trying to keep it together for my kids because this was really hard on them as well. Waking up and thinking you’re going to pick your pet up only to get a call that they passed and then having to wake your kids up with that news is the absolute worst.

I’m trying my hardest to get through the days, to get through the night and get sleep. But it’s hard. The house is quieter when it’s just me at home now, especially. We had a daily routine together, so I just find myself routinely going to do what we usually do, only to realize that we can’t anymore and she’s not there. I wish I had a more fun episode or update to come back to, but I also wanted to come back in some capacity. I know I can’t stay radio silent forever, but I just don’t know how to feel or what to do.

Chantèa: If anyone has lost a pet, especially a family pet, it’s fucking hard, and this is like losing a child to me. I bottle-fed her; we saved her at 3 weeks old, and she’s been my baby ever since day 1. Saying it out loud is the hardest. Planning her goodbye has been terrible. We opted for aquamation, which is a more gentle and environmentally friendly way of cremation for pets. I don’t know if this episode will go out before or after she returns home in her urn, but as of today, it has not come yet, and I am so anxious as to how I will react. Cleaning up her stuff has been the worst. Finding all of her things throughout the house and putting them in her little house knowing she won’t be there anymore has really sucked. I haven’t gotten the strength or courage to get rid of her dog food yet. It still sits in the kitchen.

I haven’t announced anything or told anyone except close family and friends. I think I keep putting it off because I am or was in the denial stages of grief. I don’t know how long grief lasts, but I know it’s heavy. As a mother, I have to also be strong for my kids, so that makes it even tougher. Because I have to be strong for when they break down. So I try to do my grieving alone. I journaled for the first time about her death. I wrote to her about how I was feeling and how much I loved and missed her. How much the family misses her. But I think that’s all I have right now. After the loss of Brooklen, it’s been hard to focus on anything else. There are so many things I had planned, and now it just seems bleak. I haven’t been to Starbucks because that was our morning spot. Every first that passes hurts. Because it was our thing.

Chantèa: Well, I think I’ve said all I can say without once again bursting into tears. I hope I held it together enough for this episode. I’m hoping to be back fully within the next 2 weeks. I just have to get myself together first. I know I always try and be positive and encouraging on here, but I also want to be real, and right now, I just don’t have words to say. I just wanted to come on and I don’t even know, talk. That’s what this podcast is for so. I want to share the real with you also and right now this is real for me. For now, I’m going to try and keep up with therapy and work on healing my heart.

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Alright y’all, that’s it for this episode. Thank you for tuning in for another episode to chat. Remember, it's okay to take time for yourself and focus on your well-being. You can’t help anyone else if you didn’t make sure to help yourself first.

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Bye y’all!

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