"This is Gonna Be My Year!" "No, It's Not!" Bestie Chat

Bestie Chat Ep. 1

Kae: [00:00:00] it really makes you wonder because with, as much as people talk about true crime and then they're like, oh, it was found in some hidden abandoned warehouse or the corner of fifth and Maine, and you're like, I'm at the corner of fifth and Maine, you mean to tell me that nobody saw somebody that looked suspicious?

Cuz I'm pretty sure if you're a murderer, you look suspicious. If you're dumping a body, 

Lola: man, 

if you're dumping a body nine times outta 10, you have like a bag. It's way too big or a trash bag. And you're like, Hmm, that's weird. Your trash isn't Go out for like four more days. Like, what are you doing? 

Kae: What would somebody in the middle of the night in a car, what are you doing?

Throwing a suitcase into the bushes. A perfectly fine suitcase at that. And, and you're like, 

Lola: that's questionable. I was just like, mm, okay. Noted. If the cops come to my house, 

Kae: I'm gonna mind my business. Cuz there's probably something in that storage bin that is not [00:01:00] Christmas 

Lola: decorations. Man. Clearly no one's dumping Christmas decorations out in a suitcase like that.

Never happens, ever. No one's like, let's just stuff them all in here and then throw them off this cliff randomly. 

Kae: I'm just, for the record, I'm just gonna mind my business. 

Lola: Welcome to The Awkward Mom Stage Podcast. Grab yourself a glass of water or wine, whichever suits your day and get ready cuz the awkward Mom stage starts now.

Hey y'all, and welcome back to the podcast if you're new here. Hi. Hello and welcome. I'm Lola, and I'm so glad you're here. Today, I sat down and had a little bestie chat with my girl. Kae. We talked a little bit about everything. We talked so much actually that I had to break it up into two episodes because otherwise this episode would've been like two plus hours long.

We had a good chat about [00:02:00] what's coming in 2023, what we're leaving behind, what our favorite drinks are, some toxic traits were working on, and a bunch more. We had a good time just having our weekly mom chat and we decided to bring y'all along. So let's get into this bestie chat y'all. It's 2023. We're here.

We made it. I feel like everybody's got the vibe of , let's not be , this is gonna be my year. Just live. Okay. Aside from everything works out for us. We're so lucky. Don't say nothing else. Like don't jinx yourself by being like, this is the year that I'm making a million. No, just, just be quiet. Just work.

Do your stuff. Say your little mantras and that's it. Cuz like, I feel like when everyone, when did, when they did it in 2021, they were like, this is gonna be in my, it wasn't, in 2022, this is gonna , it wasn't. So let's just. [00:03:00] Let's just put that to bed this 

Kae: year. This year we haven't heard it yet because it really still feels very 22 ish.

Lola: Yeah, 

Kae: myself. It, yes, it's the new year. Even New Year's Eve, it was like, hmm, okay, there's gonna be the New Year's celebration. We're gonna watch a little bit on tv, fireworks, black eye peas, collard greens, rice, let's get the luck going. But New Year's Day, it's still very much, I didn't have like an aha. 

I didn't feel like, I don't know, like, I don't know.

I feel like everyone's hope is gone at this point. Everyone's just like, can we just live like government? Please just don't kill us. That's all we asking this year. Like if you could just. Live. That would be fantastic because y'all are really doing the most, it's like the freaking hunger games out here, like [00:04:00] eggs.

You gotta buy a chicken at this point because like buying eggs is like, why are these so expensive? Like, I know 

everybody just dying potatoes this year cuz ain't nobody buying eggs. 

Lola: Right? Like, who is dying? Who's wasting eggs? No one at this point, like if you're not eating them, do not purchase them or use them because it's outrageous.

I don't get it. I don't understand how we're living. And it's another thing because, and of all 

Kae: things, 

Lola: yeah, like why the eggs? Like, because I was looking on farmer's pages and they was like, oh, as long as you keep your birds warm or whatever the hell you gotta do for, you know, egg laying, then your henzel or whatever will lay them fine.

So, I don't know. I feel like once again, 

Kae: That's, it's a 50 50. Cuz remember I'm out here in the boonies, so to say. Yeah. Family members that have chickens and even their chickens ain't [00:05:00] been producing cuz I, compared to fresh eggs and store bought eggs. You can taste a difference when you bake, when you fry them.

When you boil 'em, they taste different. Yeah. And our, our family member that has the chickens, their hoods ain't been producing. Like usually they bring over enough for us. My in-laws and my in-laws parents, that's a lot of eggs. And lately we haven't gotten any eggs for months. So are the, Hens on strike like.

Lola: It's Mercury. It's Mercury in retrograde. Man, I don't know what's happening. The planets are, while I'm out up there, they're tired. I'm 

Kae: not ready for another retrograde, , retro fucked, beat up.

Lola: Did you set resolutions this year? I don't do resolutions just because, no, I don't [00:06:00] ever see Resolutions are literally just a list of shit you didn't do in the year prior that you're like, I'm gonna do it this year. It's like, no, you're not. No you're not. You're not gonna do it. That's not allowed to ourselves.

Kae: I guess. I set one and I spent towards it. me and Adam said, we're gonna get back in the gym. Well, he's gonna get back in the gym. I'm actually going to go to the gym for it. 

Once in my life 

Lola: I wanna go to the gym, I wanna go back to the gym. Like I really, I really do wanna go back to the gym, but I'm doing like this thing where I just keep consuming gym content and like looking at gym motivation.

And then eventually in my mind, subconsciously I'll be like, this is, this is where I should be. And then I'll end up back in the gym because if I just force myself to do it, I'm gonna go get another gym membership. And it's gonna be another year where I paid for a gym membership and I only went three times.

So I'm just gonna like slowly subliminally, like work my way [00:07:00] into it, just like mind fuck myself into going back to the gym. But I really do wanna go back to the gym. Eventually I'd like to get fit. 

Kae: Maybe a grow with me. Maybe we can set like a let, let's talk while we're at the gym. Cause then when it's conversation and you're kinda tricking yourself that it's.

Not something you don't wanna do. Maybe we'll do it. 

Lola: Yeah. 

Kae: But the only thing that I've done so far is I bought new workout outfits. 

Lola: I bought workout outfits last year 

and 

Kae: aren't the ones that like I can wear out running errands. Like I, 

Lola: I 

bought 

those dang workout outfits that's supposed to be like the ones you can go and like work out in and then still go out and look cute in the ones that are supposed to suck you in, in all the right places.

And those shits were so suffocating. Like I thought I was gonna die. Like, I was like, oh my god. And I got every size, cuz like I, I first I was like, oh let me get [00:08:00] a large and then I got a large and I was like, mm, this is a little more. Well at the time the large was, it fit like perfect, but I was like, let me size down cause I lost some weight.

So then I bought a different size, but I kept my large cuz I was like, , I'm gonna gain it back because I want to. So I'm gonna keep those. But I got a smaller size. Them shits fit the same. Okay. They all suffocate you the same way. I thought I was gonna die. Like the whole, I was like literally having a panic attack in that fucking outfit.

Like, I was like, how in the shit is Kim Kardashian walking out the goddamn street in this constricting ass two piece? And I literally feel like there are people grabbing onto my legs and thighs and just like I'm dragging them along with me as I walk. Like it was the worst. So they've just been sitting [00:09:00] in my drawer for the last like eight months because 

Kae: I just 

bought things.

Lola: No thanks. 

Kae: And because of course I was like, Ooh, after Christmas sale, let's, let's go see what's out. And. I went and bought, went straight to athletic wear, knowing good and well. I prefer to wear my husband's clothes 

all the time. 

Lola: There's so many cute workout outfits. I just have to find some that don't make me want to kill myself while I'm wearing them.

Like I just 

Kae: I'm into being lazy 

comfortable lazy chic. So yeah, my husband clothes, his sweatpants, I wear those. But I went immediately over to athletic and bought yoga pants. I don't do yoga. Aside from those, 

Lola: I wanna 

go back into yoga. I have a yoga mat. That I don't use. Lilliana has used that damn yoga mat more than I have, but like I really.

I [00:10:00] do like, again, like I'm that, yeah, I'm the asshole that like, I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna get into it. And then I buy all the shit and then I order the freaking yearly subscription to whatever the hell fitness, whatever. And then I just never use it and it just sits there. And then I feel even more shitty about myself.

Cause I'm like, look at you, you lazy son of a bitch. And now you're wasting money. Like, why would you do this to yourself? 

Kae: No, I went ahead and did the exact, I ha I can't wear these out in public. I don't have anything to put on a sports bra , why I purchased sports bras. You know, I'm gonna have to wear them to the gym because I'm not going out and 

Lola: I haven't found a sports bra.

That doesn't make me feel like a boy. 

Yeah, it, 

Kae: yeah. it. I don't know 

why, but, 

Lola: and like the padded ones suck. Like those are stupid. So like yeah, I haven't found one that I'm just like, oh yeah, this is [00:11:00] the one. It makes me feel like a lady, like I haven't, I haven't found that sports bra yet. 

Kae: My main purpose 

for getting sports bras with the athletic pants was I can't just wear these,

out to grocery shop. Like I'm not gonna be in Walmart or Target wearing my athletic sports bra. 

Lola: With your sports bra and your and your bike shorts. 

Kae: Yeah. Yeah. I'm just not gonna be doing 

that. 

Lola: I like Aspire to have that confidence, to have the fit girl confidence to just put on some shorts that I know everybody can see every nook and cranny of everything Jesus and my mama gave me, and my sports bra and my sneakers and my socks, and just skip through the stores as if everything's delightful.

Kae: That confidence, because to me that confidence comes with a whole lot [00:12:00] of me. Just, just you. Like you don't think of anybody else. Just you. Because that's a lot of confidence to just go into public with every. , like you said, every nuck and cranny, but 

Lola: you have a, you have a camel toe, ma'am. Like I can see 

how fat your vagina is right now.

I don't even have to ask. I don't even have to imagine because I can see it. We all can see it right now, and you're like, yeah, here it is. Here's my camel toe 

and my FIT SPO outfit, 

and I'm like, go ahead girl. I aspire to have that confidence. 

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Now back to the show. 

I think I'm pretty sure I have body dysmorphia. I'm almost positive, maybe I should go back to therapy because when I look in the mirror , it's definitely not cute.. 

Kae: I think I look at myself from the perspective of [00:14:00] growing up, I was always petite and shapeless. And once I hit, you know, I guess you could say my adult years, my, you know, my early to late teens ish, I really started to come into my looks or grow into my looks.

And that was something that I was always told when I was younger. You, oh, you'll, you're gonna grow into your looks. Whereas girlfriends were big, boobed curvy in ninth and 10th grade, and here it is. I'm still built like an 11 year old boy in sixth grade . 

Lola: Yeah. 

Kae: Now at 33, I'm still pretty petite, but having the mom bod , I guess you could call it that mom bodisms, because there's things about my body that I didn't have prior to having kids.

Like the stretch marks are just the way your [00:15:00] skin completely looks different now that you're a mom like doing makeup. I was telling Adam, I'm like, there isn't enough makeup for the bags under my eyes. Like these ain't proud of this ain't Gucci. These are hard. I'm sick and tired of repeating myself bags, but I still look at myself and the way, I guess, friends that are heavier or have the the societal mom bod.

and they look at me and I'm just like, we face the same things. Like I'm not just the skinny B I T C H, like I'm slim, but I still look at my body 

differently. 

Lola: It's still different, like everybody's body changes just because it doesn't just cuz it looks good to you and it's what you want. Doesn't mean that that's what the other person wants or what the other person sees like, but other people are like, oh my God, no.

I would at kill to have your [00:16:00] body. And it's like, well that's great. I would kill to not, so I mean I guess we are gonna have to agree to disagree on that. I don't know what to tell you. Like you can't get mad at me 

Kae: I would love to pack on some weight that actually stays 

Lola: Right 

Kae: and it stay 

Lola: But when you say that, they're like, oh my God, I would never, like you can have some of my weight..

It's like, no, what you're not understanding is like I want to gain weight and have a healthier, like thicker. Frame. I'm not saying that I just, I don't wanna just pack on the pounds 

Kae: my body for the clothes that I prefer to wear. That's 

my biggest 

thing that 

Lola: I would like to gain weight so that I don't have to get surgery to fit into this tube top, is what I'm saying.

You know, I would like to look like a woman without having to get surgery, but don't, you know, 

Kae: I don't wanna have to wear a chicken cutlets. I really just 

want a full boobage cleavage section that I can look at and say, good morning [00:17:00] guys. 

Lola: And then that's like, 

it's, well, you should have your body.

Yes, you should. Okay. And generally speaking, yes, I know that genetically I clearly am doing all right, but in my mind would I like it to be different? Sure. Everybody would. There's always something that somebody wants to change about themselves. Always, it's never not gonna be that way. So like I don't know why people are always like, you shouldn't do this.

I would kill. It's like, yes, you for 

you. 

Kae: Yeah, definitely. I don't think it's healthy to preach that to other people that you should be happy with what you, what you have. Yes. But if you personally feel that your confidence or self worth, not for other people to be like, oh, you've got a banging body, but just for yourself.

It's kind of like with everything as I've gotten older, has that come [00:18:00] to the line of healthy And if you step over it where it's unhealthy, and if you can understand that there's a thin line between everything between extreme, non extreme, not enough, right? It come to that and stand on it. You know that you don't like what you see in the mirror, so it's the, the word I'm looking for is accountability.

If you don't like what you see, what are you willing to do to make yourself happy with it? Now you know, if you don't like what you see and you decide to go under the knife, you have to educate yourself to know what comes along with that. There are complications just because you go under the knife and you get boobs or get your butt done, or your face lips, anything that requires you to change it, you're not gonna, just because you did it doesn't mean you're gonna be satisfied with it.

So understanding that, that [00:19:00] you possibly can't go back to what you liked before, which is what you're complaining about. So either you have to find the confidence within yourself to say, I do like this, although I wish I had more, but I'm comfortable with this. I'm satisfied. 

Lola: Yeah. Like that's my thing. I won't 

die if I never get my boobs done, but if I have the money and the opportunity, will I do it?

Probably. Sure. Because I've had 20 years now to think about it. Like if I ran, well, I did actually. I went to the plastic surgeon's office when I was like 18 and I was like, and went big air boobies and luckily that plastic surgeon had since and was like, miss ma'am, like you are still growing. Okay. So this little small C cup that you have right now could possibly change.

And it did because I had kids. But it's just a matter of like, you have to make sure that you're changing things for the right reasons. Cause at [00:20:00] the time I was changing it, I was changing it because I think I was like all I wanted to be in like. Maxim, like when Maxim hometown Hottie was cool, I wanted to be like a Maxim hometown hottie, and then I wanted to be in Playboy, which obviously those dreams and aspirations changed as I got older.

But yeah, like luckily that surgeon was like, you should think about this a little more before we, you know, just go ahead and go under the knife. And I did, and I still want to do it. But now at this point, I've naturally seen my breasts at four different sizes at this point. So I know exactly what I like, I know what it feels like, and I've had the experience to know like, okay, what I, what I was going to get wasn't even what I want now.

So yeah, 

Kae: see, the whole boob thing for me has [00:21:00] been 

since. I was six. I'm going to send you a picture of how long this has been. I needed boobs. I've needed boobs since I was six and there are balloon picture of me taking my bathing suit at the time and taking water balloons and putting them in my bathing suit.

And the one, 

Lola: oh my God, 

Kae: these things are massive water balloons. These aren't like, oh, she just wants little boobies cause she's six. No, I'm talking about I want it Pam 

Anderson. 

Lola: It was 

like, no, I want, I want the big ones. 

Kae: The 

big ones. And then like how you said, during the golden age of when modeling was the little easier to get into.

I did dabble in testing for Playboy with small boobies and did that for a little bit. However, now Playboy and the likes, the only fans, it's a completely different genre. [00:22:00] Of what it was when we were interested in like Maxim. Maxim was just like toned perfect bodies that looked like they had never been airbrushed.

They just were touched by God. 

Lola: Yeah. It was like literally like hometown hotties. It was like a girl next door. She had a cute little body and they were just like, oh my God. This is my hometown. I'm a hometown hottie. Like I just wanted to be a young, Maxim hometown hottie 

Kae: because I had tattoos. I started 

tattooing really early and my first tattoo went like the little butterfly or the star behind the ear.

I went big, big. My entire abdomen was tattooed at 17, my back was the next thing. By the time I was 18, I had a full back set of wings. 

Lola: I wanted to get tattoo. I'm 

so indecisive with tattoos. It took me years to start getting tattoos and I still [00:23:00] don't even, I only have two of my children's names. I still have to put two more on there.

But like, yeah, I'm so indecisive. Every single time I was gonna go and get a tattoo, I changed my mind about what I wanted. It wasn't even the fear of the tattoo, it was just genuinely like, do I want this one or do I want this one? Because like, this isn't some shit you can just like wipe off and redo 

Kae: all of mine.

Have a story behind them. But being that I started tattooing early and with modeling, I'm petite. I didn't have like the video vixen body. I didn't have big boobs. I didn't have a big butt. I'm not tall. 

Lola: You have a car, girl body. 

Kae: That's what you 

Lola: Import.

Kae: I

 photographed like that. But when you see me in person, you see I am.

Borderline a midget, like 

I'm, 

Lola: but that's import cars. All the girls are short as hell what you're talking about. I used to be so mad as hell, like, are these turning 

Kae: but then there to check [00:24:00] all the boxes? I, I think I'm just ref thinking back on how it felt because getting gigs I would get them, but I would get them in areas that I wasn't interested in modeling.

Lola: Yeah. 

Kae: And still kind of 

that same area, I guess because of the state we live in. Unless you are in Miami, that's where like the booming bodies are at Miami, Tampa, places like that. But being that, at the time I was modeling and booking gigs in Orlando, they were either just somebody who wanted to update their portfolio or somebody that was into erotic and.

I don't think a lot of girls that are interested in getting into modeling, at least back then, did their research with anything. I mean, that's even now doing your research on wanting to do something and how it really [00:25:00] affects you to see erotic, you're thinking, oh, bdsm. Oh, he just wants maybe some ropes and handcuffs.

No. And then to think about these, when you sign a model release, they own these images, so you may be taking this picture and didn't like it. So the photographer decided not to use it, but now that he owns it six years from now, , if that's not in that contract, they can use it. 

Lola: Yeah. And that was like for, I feel like 

when we were modeling though, like it was different to where it wasn't as many like genres and avenues and niches as there is now.

I mean, there was, but like people weren't, it wasn't as popular. Like for us it was just like runway or car girl or maxim. Like those were the things 

Kae: Boxes 

with there were subcategories. 

Lola: Yeah. 

Kae: So let's how you said that I could, I easily [00:26:00] could have went into being a car girl, which I tried. However, I don't have an exotic look.

I had a very baby doll face because I was 19, 20 at the most when I first started, and I still looked very, very young. , but I had tattoos. 

Lola: Yeah. 

Kae: And my tattoos weren't in places that like could easily have been hidden. So if we're at like a car event and the shorts are teeny tiny, my and my abdomen is out, my tattoos in either area, were on full display.

So a lot of the gigs, when they saw images of me, they were interested because I was eye candy. However, getting, it's just like with Hooters fitting into that uniform, you can fit into it with no problem, but how you look in the uniform that decides if you're gonna book the gig or not. And [00:27:00] for me, so young, it looked like I was trying too hard.

So a lot of times I didn't get those gigs, but the gigs that I would get called back. Were gigs that really tested, am I thinking in the long term idea of it? And I'm glad that I really considered that 

Lola: tattoos 

are like, it's more way more popular now like that. Back then it wasn't Yeah, as cool. Like it was more taboo large to have like big pieces.

Like you had to have like the cutesie little like, yeah, live love prayer or whatever the fuck they did. Like those shits. But like now, like when you have like a shit to the ink, they're like, oh bet. Like okay, we can use you. But back then you had to be in like the weird shit. If you had tatts like big ass tattoos, you'd be like, what the F Well who, who's basement is this?

Like why are we here? This is not what the photoshoot said on the ad sir!. Like, what is this dungeon that we are in right now? , absolutely not 

Kae: have 

like a good tattoo artist. So girls [00:28:00] that had large pieces, but crappy work. No, we don't wanna see that in a magazine. We wanna see. You know the praying hands or the fortress princess that's on her thigh that takes up the entire side of her hip to her butt with the wolf howling.

We need to see pieces like that, 

Lola: right? Like it's gotta be detailed. Like, I don't want no sideways quasimoto. Please do not show me your drunken dolphin tattoo. I don't wanna see it. It's not gonna make it. We're gonna airbrush it out, ma'am, like please. 

Kae: You got a camel tattooed on your big toe? No, no, not those quirky.

Cute, but no, that's not what we're 

looking for. 

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Now back to the show. 

Kae: Right. 

Do 

Lola: you have a favorite drink? 

I'm really loving the Snapple apple. 

Well, my, I mean, orange juice and apple juice have always been my favorite. And cran apple. But like alcohol, drinks, I mean, I'm, I am not a wine connoisseur. Like I'm not that girl that you can be like, oh yeah, I'm gonna sit down with this bottle of 1954.

Like, no bitch, give me some fucking fruity ass wine. Okay. The shit could cost $3. I don't give [00:31:00] a fuck. Like I just want some good ass wine. I don't want your dirty, bitter wine. I don't care that it tastes earthy. I don't care that it was from 89 years ago. Like, just gimme something 

good. 

Kae: I can't do one at all.

I don't like it. 

Lola: I have another friend that doesn't like wine. 

She just doesn't like the taste. 

Kae: And I've tried red wine. I've tried cheap. I've tried expensive. I don't like wine. That's, I'm not going to play like, because the girlies like to have wine dates and box wine. I don't like wine. If we are going out, just know that.

Pick me up. 

Lola: I'm probably gonna get some margaritas if we going out is all I'm saying. Like, , 

Kae: get bottles of vodka or get me a bottle of tequila because I'm probably not gonna drink all of it. And the last thing you want is for me to be like stripper in Sin City . 

Lola: This girl said Stripper 

in Sin City. Oh no. 

Kae: Yeah. I'm a, I'm a sipper that babysat 

[00:32:00] drink because baby just don't put a whole lot of ice in it.

It will do what it needs to do. But wine, it's not, it's not my cup of tea. 

Lola: I 

don't think I'm like a, I'm like a giggly. If I'm with like, my man, probably a handsy drunk, and then afterwards I'm gonna go to sleep for sure. Like, definitely falling asleep wherever. But yeah, like I, I, I don't think I've ever been like a, a terrible drunk, but I also don't like the feeling of being drunk.

I literally just, I appreciate a good drink. I don't mind being tipsy, but I'm not trying to be out here getting sloshed. I don't like hangovers. I don't, 

Kae: it's hard. Get to that level because, and I was talking with Adam about this. I know my limit because I, 

Lola: yeah, so do I 

Kae: I I, I will verbally tell you. I'll be like, I think I've had enough.

Lola: Yeah, 

Kevin will do that too. He'll be like, Hmm, oh, that, that last one, , 

[00:33:00] that's the one. 

Kae: And the reason I say that is because I, the minute I have any kind of alcohol, I feel it. 

Lola: Yeah.

Kae: And when I say I, I'm talking about, I can feel it saying, we're in your bloodstream. We are coming to, 

Lola: we are warming you up.

Girl. Get ready. Like, yeah, like everyone's dancing the blood cells like, everyone's like, yes! TEQUILA!.

Kae: MACARENA! That is literally how it goes down. So I've never experienced that whole yes I have because I've pushed it. I've convinced myself, like especially with tequila, I can drink a whole bottle, no hangover. But the fact that not having a hangover does not mean that you are not drunk. . It just means you're not 

comfort.

Lola: That's no problem. Like if the drink is good and you 

can't tell, like it just taste like juice. That that's me. Like that's my toxic trait. I will keep drinking that shit. Like, ooh, this is delicious. And then when I've drank the whole [00:34:00] thing and now I'm dragging myself down the stairs, or I've got Kevin dragging me down the stairs, like, then I'm like, oh shit.

Like I made a mistake. I made a 

mistake. 

Kae: I went to Orlando. Me and Adam went down just for a weekend getaway. And it was, we went to Wall Street, my stomach ground. Adam does not know Wall Street like that. Yeah. So of course he went drinking and everything and he's insistent for me to just keep taking shots because since we're bar hopping, I don't wanna hear a drink with me.

And yeah, it's like, fine, just take shots. I like drinks. It's who wants to carry around a drink while they wanna dance? Nobody, 

Lola: you're just like sloshing it around like, ah, come on. 

Kae: So I'm just like taking shot shots and I've already have told him I think I'm at my limit and we go to the very last bar and he decides, let's take a shot.

And he gets me a drink. 

Lola: Oh 

Lord, he's trying to kill you. 

He's like yes, let's [00:35:00] do this!. 

Kae: I don't feel as if I'm intoxicated. I feel warmer than I did because I have now taken off my sweater that I wore, but that's neither here or there. By the time we get to the car and are driving back to the Airbnb, we have stopped so many times from me to puke outside of the car.

My, then when we get to the Airbnb, it was like a little condo at, I couldn't get out the. Like was so mentally like, my body was like, girl, if you move from this spot, 

Lola: you're 

dying. We're dying 

right now. 

Kae: So move from this spot because if you move, you are going to regret it. All that you have consumed is coming up out of you.

So I stayed there.

Lola: What are we leaving in 2023? For me, I'm focusing [00:36:00] on quality vs quantity. Because, 

Kae: amen. 

Lola: I feel like, I feel like it was only when you were younger, it was cool to be like, hell yeah, I want 37 friends. Like, no. I just want a couple people that can get along. Like at this point I'll just take two, you know?

Kae: Yeah. 

Lola: It doesn't even have to be a whole bridal party, like these people with like 14 bridesmaids. I don't know how that's possible 

Kae: Currently, 

Lola: yeah. I 

don't know. 

Kae: I'm back on the bandwagon of planning, like there's a lot that goes into really planning a wedding and me wanting to incorporate, you know, the, the traditional aspect of like a bridal shower or bachelorette party to invite or delegate these people.

It's like, I don't even know that many people or can [00:37:00] trust that many people can do the, do this. Right. At least up to my standard without me having to turn into. A nightmare or to feel like I'm being rude because in my eyes as a bride, you want what you want. 

Lola: Yeah. 

Kae: But agreed. I think leaving in 2022 is relationships that don't really feed the soul, as cliche as that sounds, but leave relationships that you're only in them because you guys have history.

It's kind of like that, what they call the trauma bond, 

just because, 

Lola: yeah, like, oh, we've been together for 10 years, so like why stop now? It's like because it sucked. Like, what do you mean? 

Kae: And 

not just that sometimes the relationships of [00:38:00] friends that. Because I honestly have a few of those where we had good times and the memories are really great, but who they are as a person now or the things that as an adult, I've gone through and have needed those friends, they weren't there.

Lola: Yeah. 

Kae: There's no phone calls to check up unless it's me doing it. It's kind of like, why continue to invest in relationships with people that in a troubled time? I mean, if you have history of me, then you know when I'm acting outta character or something may be wrong. So if we have that much history to together, or the good times were good in, they were real good and now we're having adult crisises crises.

Yeah, there we go. I feel that those relationships, it's time like stop, [00:39:00] stop nurturing them. Yeah, because they're not gonna grow. They've grown to be their full potential to get you through your teens to your early adult years. And now that you're an adult, I mean, to me and my thirties, my late twenties and thirties is when I really started to experience life like decisions, consequences, trouble, trauma, like just life all at once.

And it makes it easier to go through those situations with people that not so much are just there, but people that really genuinely care about your feelings, your mental health. I mean, we talk, we hear them talk about mental health all the time, but I think nurturing relationships that just, oh, we've known each other for so long.

It's like our moms grew up together. That don't mean that we need to be the [00:40:00] best of friends because your mom and my mom were friends. 

Lola: Right. Like just cause they're the besties don't mean that we vibing like . That's not always the case. 

Kae: And sometimes it, keep the peace. But keeping the peace.

Don't be feeding your brain your mental health 

to, 

Lola: I mean, but you also have to look at what is the other person putting into the relationship as well. Just like you would evaluate your relationship with like, you know, whoever your partner, whoever you're with, you would do the same thing for your friendships, because obviously you wanna make sure the people that are around you aren't gonna be

you know, scheming and scamming. 

So 

Kae: And that's something more people 

should evaluate.

Lola: I mean, unless that's your thing, you know, unless you're a scammer as well, then yes, be friends with scammers. But like, if you are trying to, you know, elevate your life and you have a friend who is just consistently down like 

there's just, 

Kae: you 

gotta have people that are, that you're friends with that can sit at the [00:41:00] table, not just sit at the table and eat, but also can bring a plate, bring, bring a dish.

Lola: Right. Are you, are you contributing to the potluck and paper plates and forks don't count? Are you contributing to the meat and potatoes of this relationship, or are you just throwing in the bare minimum just to be like, see, I showed up. I'm here guys, like it's me. But like, you're not really there.

 We can't all the way count on you, but you might be around maybe. We're not sure, like we're not trying to do that this year. We don't want any wishy-washy bullshit. You're either entering your out 

Kae: And the hidden fact of being authentically true because I find that in the later part of 2022 and now 2023, I'm feeling a lot better with things by telling people exactly what it is.

Lola: Yeah.

Kae: I'm not going to, if I don't wanna do something, I'm not gonna be like, [00:42:00] yeah, okay, we can do that. And sometimes I've grown accustomed to doing that just because I don't, I'm thinking of the other person. I don't want the back and forth of trying to figure the compromise and finding compromise is actually healthy.

relationships, not just your, you and your spouse, but friendships as well. 

Lola: Yeah. 

Kae: I'm not a mind reader, so you and I have been friends forever and in the later years of us being adults, it's kind of like, I don't have to tell you, I don't wanna record today and feel that you're gonna be like, screw Kourtney.

Lola: Yeah, 

because 

you're gonna tell me, you're gonna be like, gonna be like, okay, where,

Kae: just dip, bye! 

Lola: What's happening and then like never hear from you again. I'll just be like, I'm gonna give her her space, let her have a day. I'll usually get like an emoji or a reaction or something 

Kae: and [00:43:00] we talk. 

Lola: To know you're still alive.

Kae: It's not as assumed. You get me. Like we actually will talk about. The first time it'll probably be like a, mm, are we still on for this? Are we still cool? Don't hear anything. Okay, you go on with other things, but then you eventually on both sides. To me, that's a line of respect. I owe you to say, Hey, I'm not feeling up to it.

Can we do this? You don't just, yeah, it, but I feel that in more relationships that I've started to just let go, it's because I think they hold onto the fact that, oh, we've been friends for so long. Like there's no bad blood, but there's not bad. There's never bad blood. But there are, there is animosity with the fact that we have history together and you didn't even give me the ounce of respect to just say, I can't show this is what [00:44:00] it is.

Or this is how my life has changed. These are the things that are going on in my life so that there is a level of understanding that life happens. Like I'm that I'm that friend. I understand that life happens and that best friends can still be best friends from a distance. I don't dislike or stop wanting to talk to people, but I find that now that I'm getting older, me being authentically honest rather than biting my tongue to satisfy someone else's.

I don't want the confrontation or the war of roses, so to say. I'm just going to tell you, hey. I don't like that. It makes me feel this way. And 

Lola: and realistically, if a person reacts like, ah, what do you mean? Then like, 

Kae: yeah, 

Lola: they shouldn't be in your life anyway because they don't understand your vibe.

Like they're not vibing with you if you're telling them like, Hey, this is my feeling, this is how I'm feeling. [00:45:00] And they're like, Ew, no it's not. How dare you? 

Kae: Someone who 

is 

really genuinely is there for you? Because if I'm telling you that, Hey, I don't like that, or This is what I'm going through, can you like show up?

Like, I just need to vent if you can't do that for me. But then two weeks from now, somebody got your Starbucks order wrong and you wanna tell me about it? 

Lola: Yeah. Like, you're vent to me about this. And I'm like, wait a minute. 

Like,

Kae: like I'm, I'm still probably gonna listen, but for me it's like the aha moment that here does.

I have something that you probably could not have. Help me with you, but I just needed to vent. I needed to get that out so that I heard myself and what I was feeling, and now can do the work to fix the problem. Yeah. I can't even call you. And we have, to me it's trust, the level of trust and understanding to vent.

Why am I gonna [00:46:00] listen to you vent, right. To listen. But after you vent, I'm no conversation's done. I'm not answering the phone as much anymore. I'm not reaching out to you. I'm always the friend who checks up on everybody. I'm What about me is the question to be answered? What about me? When's the last time you have called the friend who is always happy, chipper and checking up on everyone else?

When have you reached out to them rather than expecting them to call you? 

Lola: Yeah, it's usually a matter of like, you just have to kind of like sit back, like if you're the one that notices, you're the one that's doing all the texting and all that. I mean, even in relationships. Yeah, like if you are the one doing all of the consistent communication and the hey, what's up, and the checking in and all that, and then you stop that and you notice that it's not coming in unless you are doing it, then now you [00:47:00] gotta evaluate like, okay, well maybe this isn't, maybe this is a one way street, like maybe I'm looking at this wrong, you know, and I'm the one doing all the work thinking that, you know, we're on a team and realistically it is every, every man for themselves.

Kae: It's like being in school all over again. Because some, it's like you understand, especially being parents, that life happens. But it's just like how you would say when you were dating, if it's too much for you just to simply send a text message that you are that busy. Should I not take offense to you having full conversation online with people?

But here it is. I text you and said, Hey, what's up? How's you know what's going on? Is everything okay? Or, you know, or just texting a meme to get a laugh back and you get left on red? 

Lola: Right? You can't even send me a meme back, , a running meme. Like a oof busy, like nothing. It's just don't have time.

Can't, [00:48:00] can't fathom it. 

Kae: Finding the balance that it's okay, it's okay not to be available for 

other people. And for the longest, that wasn't something I knew how to do because I mean, like we said, quality over quantity and having more friends call and text you and always having something to do. You could go somewhere, hang out with somebody.

That's not always the greatest. If the company that is always calling you can never be there for you when you really need just a break the same way they just need a break or to feel like they are heard and somebody showing up for them. I'm, I think I'm just finding I'm okay with it. I am a okay with relationships ending not even ending on bad terms, where like, oh, I don't fuck with that person anymore.

Just ending and being, I'm a different person now. 

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Kae: You know, the old me and to 

me, I think the new version of myself is a better version. I'm liking who I am in 2023, and as I get older, I'm liking who I'm becoming, but I'm also putting in the work to learn who I am. Like what's okay If I'm not okay with what society says I should be doing as a 33 year old woman, why do I need society to tell me that that's what I need to do?

I mean, yes, I want, I, everybody wants to check the box and fit [00:51:00] into the stereotype as much as people say they don't. But I'm coming to terms with, I may fit within that stereotype and find joy, but it's okay if. Being within that box. I don't, I don't fit it. Am I happy being a square instead of a circle?

Yeah. It's okay. And it's okay. Just find the balance of it being okay. 

Lola: Yeah. Cause I mean, there's, there's also a difference in you needing to take time because life happens and you just, you know, never being available for anyone else but your problems. Like if that friend is only showing up to complain 

Kae: Yeah.

Lola: Or there's constantly some drama that might not be the fun for you. I mean, unless you, you [00:52:00] know, like the drama. Me, there's a, , like I feel like when people hear the word drama, they just think like, oh, your life has to be perfect. It's like, no, that, first of all, that's not, to me, that's not the definition of drama.

Like drama is where there's constantly some extreme unrest happening. 

Kae: How much 

Lola: in 

your life 

Kae: you contributed to your decisions or the company you keep is where I think of drama, 

Lola: right? Like you're consistently with people who are getting you in trouble and it's like, no, they're not getting you in trouble.

You are getting you in trouble because you're consistently going with these people who you know are ain't about shit, but you still keep running back to whoever, friend, boyfriend, whatever. Like if there's constantly something happening with that person or that group of people, maybe you should, I don't know, remove yourself from that [00:53:00] group of 

people.

Kae: I think the word of the year should be accountability because if relationships fail, we're all adult. So if I tell you, Hey, I really stopped talking with you because the chaos you have in your life just wasn't, it was too much for me to deal with and I didn't feel that it was my place to tell you that.

You know, you girl, you are dramatic. You got the drama, the Oscar nominated life going 

on, right? , 

Lola: right? Like you are the, am I the drama TikTok, like that's you. 

Kae: the epitome of it. So to be able to see that, yo, this person, this is their decisions, cool. It's not mine. I, but I also don't wanna stand by as a friend.

Like we talk. I could tell you, nah, that's not a good look. Now if you choose that, it is a good look and I'm gonna go through with it. [00:54:00] Hey, that's your decision. It's your life. But if that continual pattern over and over and over and over again, why would me sitting here as a friend, quote unquote, be healthy for me to sit here and watch you self-destruct 

Lola: Repetitively.

Kae: No. That that's, that's where the drama comes from because you think it was a good idea. You did it because you wanted to, it didn't work out. And then you come to the same situation again, different circumstances, but as the exact same. A plus B plus C gets u D. You still are doing that over and over again.

Accountability. It's you, it's not the other people. 

Lola: Right? Because you're letting them do it at that point. Like once you see the problem and you're like, oh, okay. Like, This is the problem. If you continue on with said problem, like, man, [00:55:00] just throw them red flags to the side. Then now you have become the problem.

Like you are your own self-destruction at that point. 

Kae: If you're 

going to continue to look at problems and disregard the problem, but still want everybody to sh be there and be like, oh yeah. Hmm. 

Lola: You're constantly asking for advice and they're giving it to you, but you're still putting it to the side and like doing the opposite.

They're gonna be like, look, don't ask me. Don't ask me no more. Okay, we're done with this. All right. 

Kae: Don't ask me for advice because you really aren't interested in the advice. And I really, after about three times of listening to the stories of the chaos that you got going on, the third time, I'm probably.

I'm annoyed now. I'm just 

thinking, 

Lola: Right. Like I'm aggravated cuz you not listening. It's like when you watching a movie and you yelling at the like, no, don't go that way. Don't go that way. And they go that way anyway. You're like, you know what, now you [00:56:00] deserve to be murdered. Okay, because I told you not to do it and you did it anyway.

So like whatever. I can't save you , 

Kae: And again, not trying to be the friend that knows it all and tells you that you shouldn't be doing something. But if you come to me as a friend and you have a problem in my eyes when I come to you or to any of my girlfriends, I'm coming to y'all for your perspective because 

Lola: Right, 

Kae: I'm seeing it as,, I am not the problem.

But clearly if I talk to two other people and they both come to the conclusion that you are the problem, two against one, I'm probably the problem. 

Lola: Right, it's like, hmm, so okay, if I go get this third opinion and this, the third opinion is either the same thing or it's the only one that's like, nah, you straight.

It's like you gotta reevaluate who said that you were straight. Reevaluate [00:57:00] who said that. And then be like, mm, is this, am I the drama? Am I really? Because sometimes I just feel like people just like the drama. I don't feel like, I feel like it's just they are addicted to the drama. Things cannot be calm. You can't have regular problems.

It has to be some chaotic situation that they're in. 

Kae: I came across something that was similar to that, that the one emotion that we as humans are not comfortable with is joy. The example that was given was if you go out to the store and you get outta your car and you find $20, you're excited.

You're like, Ooh, I got $20. 

Lola: Hell yeah! 

Kae: You go in the store and everything that you wanted to purchase, you found your size, like everything's going good. But if things go too [00:58:00] well, the mind naturally says, oh, I'm waiting for the other shoe to draw. What, what's bad that's gonna happen. 

Lola: And then you subconsciously pick something that you know is more than the $20 that you have and you're like, oh, damn it, I don't have enough.

I still don't have enough. And it's like, see. 

Kae: Well that, 

and then you look at it to not experience joy, like you managed to walk in, walk out of the store. It was $20 more than you had when you walked in, when you pulled up to the, to the store. But it was more or less going kind of like with the drama.

People like drama because if things are too calm and too, I guess mediocre, it's not exciting. And I mean, for me, I'm perfectly fine moving out to 40 acres, planning sunflower seeds, bamboo, and some tomatoes, and being close enough to my nearest Starbucks, target hell, Walmart, I [00:59:00] would be fine.

That would be, 

Lola: yeah, 

Kae: my day to day and to do things that I enjoy and spend time with my family, that's for me. But for other people, it's like if I can't go to the high rise apartment and have this contemporary clean White House, like Kim Kardashians, I'm not living, if my boyfriend isn't answering me immediately when I text him, all of those things, girl.

You're making the chaos for yourself. And 

Lola: my boyfriend hasn't purchased the x y, Z that I wanted him to purchase, so , he's clearly broke. He doesn't love me. It's like, okay girl, calm down. 

Kae: I wanna get married. We've been together two years. Girl. 

I think there are other things that you need to be worried about before wanting to get married, cuz they get real serious when it's time for marriage.

So, and it's not a, a turn. Oops, my, my bad. Let's, let's try this again. It's [01:00:00] not like that. And I think it's, the reason why I brought up the whole joy is I think that it's the same thing with people who like chaos in their life. If you can't experience joy without thinking that something bad is always going to happen.

then are you really experiencing joy? 

Lola: Right? 

Like if small things don't make you joyous, if you're always with the sour pus face mm-hmm. , it's probably you, like I'm just, it's more than likely you, if you can't find one thing to be joyous about in a day is you like, I'm so sorry, the mountain is you. Okay, what did Brianna say?

The mountain is you baby. You are the one that is making yourself miserable because you can't even pluck one good thing out of the day, out of the week, out of the month. You're just like, oh [01:01:00] no, this, ugh. Everything is terrible. And I'm just, I don't have this, so things are terrible. I don't have that.

Things are terrible. I mean, there's plenty of things that I don't have that I want, but right. I also have to think, okay bitch, like are you just gonna walk around and complain and think about the shit that you don't have all day long? Or are you gonna look at what you do have and then try and figure out ways to get the stuff that you don't have that you want?

Like you have to at some point be like, okay, like it's not happening right now, but if I want it to happen, I'm gonna have to do the work. Yeah. For it to happen. Or I'm going to have to accept the fact that I don't have it and you, if I don't wanna do the work, I'm not gonna get 

it. , 

Kae: you enjoy the process.

That's the, the hidden gem that I've started to come to terms with is most times when it's something that I want but it requires a lot more effort, I'm probably going, it's not the work that I wanna put in, but [01:02:00] you end up enjoying the work because the satisfaction of it actually working out tends to be far better.

Lola: Yeah. And I noticed that when I don't. Like make myself do things and I just kind of flow into it. I learn it better, or I enjoy it better because I haven't, like, okay, then you have to do this. Like this has to get done. 

Kae: Mm-hmm. 

Lola: , if I put it like, okay, this is what I have to do, we'll just get a, obviously some things just suck and you don't wanna do them.

Like 

Kae: Yeah. 

Lola: House shit, it's just gonna have to get done. So I've been trying to just do it. Like if I'm thinking about it and I'm looking at it and I have the time, I'll be like, lemme just do it now. Cause I don't feel like doing it now, but I ain't gonna feel like doing it later either, and I'm probably not gonna get up and do it later.

So let me go ahead and do it now. I'm still gonna be annoyed. 

Kae: That 

the word for 2023 is accountability, [01:03:00] because hands down when I'm getting dressed, I usually leave the bathroom a mess. Clothes,makeup, hair, product all over the counter. But when I get back home before I even lay down, everything needs to be put up.

Lola: Yeah. 

Kae: And started to realize that I'm doing it routinely now. Like, yes, I probably shouldn't make a mess while I'm getting dressed, but sometimes you just be like, everything 

chaos, 

Lola: Everything is everywhere. Sometimes you just gotta get ready and 

go. 

Kae: But I come home and I'm just like, okay, the bathroom is a mess.

Yes, I could go get in the shower and say, I'll clean up the bathroom tomorrow. But no, before I even get in the shower, cuz I've already spent the day out. I'm already going to get in the shower and clean up. Let me go ahead and put everything back in its place. And I've noticed that now my husband does the same thing.

If I am straining up the bathroom when we get back from some. [01:04:00] We may have clothes out from what we were trying to lay out that we wanted to wear. He's putting it up rather than just setting it from off the bed to the couch. He's taking it and he's actually putting it back in the drawers or back in the closet.

Lola: Right. 

Kae: It's not just getting from one messy area to another messy area that piles up. So accountability, if you made the mess, you gotta clean 

it up. 

Lola: Yeah, and I mean sometimes you, it is just shit you gotta do. Like whether , whether you want to or not, like life is things you gotta do. And I feel like people are getting too deep into the, oh, I just wanna live the soft life and life should just be so easy.

It's like, okay, first of all, everyone has shit they gotta do. You gotta do your dishes, you gotta clean your house, you gotta cook, you gotta do laundry 

Kae: You want the life,. that got the money that can go to Cancun. , there is a business that you are going to have to run, that you are not [01:05:00] just setting aside. 

Lola: It didn't 

just, you didn't wake up in Cancun.

You had to wake up and do the work to get that business, to get the money to take your ass to Cancun. So if you don't do it, how are we getting to Cancun? 

Kae: 2023 of accountability. 

Lola: Right.

All right. Well, I guess that ends the Bestie Chat episode so people can differentiate our voices. I'm Lola. 

Kae: I'm Kae. 

Lola: And this was Bestie Chat. 

Kae: Bye. 

Lola: After everything the world has been going through lately, I know being alone with your thoughts can be an isolating feeling, especially the stay-at-home parent gang.

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Thanks for joining me this week on The Awkward Mom Stage Podcast. Make sure to visit our [01:08:00] Instagram page @theawkwardmomstage where you can follow and find information on next week's show, updates for the podcast, behind the scenes clips, and more. You can subscribe to the show on iTunes Apple podcast, Google Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast shows.

While you're at it, if you're enjoying the show, I'd appreciate it so much. If you rate the show on iTunes or share this podcast with a friend, be sure to tune in next week for an all new episode. I hope you have an awesome week. Always remember you're beautiful. Lola

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