“Anxiety, Self-Care, and Netflix Oh My!” Taking Time Away

Hey, y’all, and welcome back to the podcast. If you’re new here hi, hello, and welcome. I’m Chantea and I’m so glad you’re here. 

If you are new to the pod. Then you wouldn’t know differently but if you’re not you know that usually in the intro, I go by my nickname Lola, but I think going forward I’m just going by my real name. I’ve had a blog for years lolanicole.com and I’ve used my nickname Lola while blogging and for social media. For years I went by nicknames, well for more than one reason but mostly because nobody, and I mean nobody would get my name right. At one point I felt like it was on purpose they were fuckin it up so bad. Even when I said it first. I have so many different nicknames now because people have just changed my name so damn much. But I think I’m just ready for my brand to be fully me. I recently had my blog redone and I’m in love with it now. The layout and everything are exactly what I wanted and the shop I worked with is amazing, I found her on Etsy, and she had the perfect theme for me and installed everything for me like super quick. So, I’m so excited about that. I haven’t blogged in quite a while actually.

I mean I can laugh about it now, but I was for sure not laughing or happy at all before everything was fixed. I had hired someone else to go in and install a theme and update my blog site for me. It did not work well at all and after a while, they just stopped responding to me. But that was around the time that I was taking a break from social media and everything and I honestly just took that as a sign that I should just take a break from the blog too. Well, when I started preparing to come back to blogging and creating, my blog was gone. Like, posts were gone, the site only came up in a weird text format. Like everything was off. I was freaking out, there were tears. I mean hey my old therapist said I should let my emotions out more so that’s exactly what I did because I was devasted. So anyway, I had to contact WordPress and then my hosting site and I was finally able to get my site back to somewhat normal but the layout and theme and everything were just ruined, and I couldn’t get ahold of the guy I was working with before so eventually I found Angelina and her Etsy shop Sky and Stars. I looked on her website because she has working demos and everything, I sent a few to my girl Kae so she could help me choose and then literally within a day, she had everything fixed and running. So, I am so glad that is done, I love the look of the site now. So, I’m going to get back into blogging now, I missed it, but I couldn’t do anything with it until I got it all sorted out so yeah. 

I got a new vlogging camera. I went with the GoPro Hero 10, it’s literally perfect for what I’m doing so I’m excited to use that. I tried to take it with me to Six Flags and this bitch that worked there was in a pissy mood and wouldn’t let me take it in so that was annoying and probably one of the last times I go to Six Flags but whatever. I have some other filming plans for it, lol. I’m also thinking about recording video podcasts, but we will see how that goes, lol. 

I’m so tired of forgetting what the hell I was about to do or saying I know that much. Like damn, what is my brain really doing up there? Like for something that basically named itself if you want to get really technical, you're doin' a lot of fuckin up, bro. But lowkey that could be me too though, lmao. Like I know I could be healthier and drink more water and be more of a hot girl or that girl whatever, but I be trippin' sometimes. I’ll get there though. 

But that doesn’t excuse my brain from not unlocking the magical ass powers I have that I know are locked away up there, lmao. 

I’m a mom, wife, and dog mom and I think as I get older, talking to myself is like a common occurrence so naturally the podcast works for me. I can talk to myself out loud and it’s fine, lol. Y’all can respond to me where you’re listening.

My anxiety is different now. My social anxiety has increased 1000% since becoming a mother. Being a mother of girls, being another of black children, being a black mother. Just ya know, being a damn mom. This is hard man. Like I love my kids to death. But one thing I will never do is tell someone to have children when they don’t want them. Because this shit isn’t for everybody for real. (Elaborate more on current thoughts)

Graduation is coming up soon. I cannot believe I will have a high school graduate already in like 1 week now, that’s crazy to me. Like time is surely flying by man.

Today's episode is just a catch up really. I’m back and I’m running the podcast the way I want, the way I originally intended. I’m letting my ADHD-driven brain take over, lmao. So maybe this is a mental health check-in, a hey y’all I’m still alive episode, lol. Idk. 

But seriously, I’m not even going to do that thing where I’m like omg I’ve just been so busy blah blah blah. 

Because yeah, I’ve been busy but I also just needed time away from ALL things social media, and that included the podcast. 

Social media can be fun, and it can be great for building a community or a business but there is a dark side to social media and there is a chance of losing yourself in that social media world. Comparison, imposter syndrome, feeling like you aren’t doing enough because someone that’s doing the same thing as you is doing better. Then you have creators of color not getting the recognition they deserve like their light and white counterparts. It’s a lot. 

 You can get in your head really quick if you don’t get a grip on it too. It can really affect your mental health in a bad way if you aren’t careful how you approach using social media. Knowing when to take a break is a good thing too. 

I feel like I just needed time to figure out who I was and what I enjoyed and really what I wanted to do because I feel like a lot of the things that I was doing were based upon others’ opinions and decisions that I let override my own. 

I was constantly second-guessing myself and not trusting, myself, and I. So, I think that I just really needed some time to process and come to terms with the fact that I am an enneagram 2 and for my whole life up until now I have been a people pleaser. 

I feel the need to apologize when I don’t need to or really shouldn’t or not speak up about something I feel because I wanted to avoid confrontation or the other person was able to persuade me into a different choice when if I made the decision myself then I may not have gone that route, you know? 

 I think even with my podcast in the beginning, I created it just solely on a whim, and just for fun because I wanted a place where I could aimlessly ramble or talk about whatever I wanted or about things that were happening in my life or that I was going through or just shoot the shit about what I’m watching or reading so that I could build a community around people like me I guess, a little unconventional motherhood, idk. Just a place where you were basically talking to your Bestie, and I would find like-minded people who are also interested in the same things or going through some of the same things. 

But at one point I was basing everything I was doing heavily on comparisons, opinions, etc, which you would think like that would fade as you got older but I think especially nowadays it’s hard not to because society is constantly judging women and what they’re worth is and they base it heavily off looks and age even though realistically good shit starts to happen as you age because you grow up and learn about yourself and what you like and how to navigate life the way you want. But that gets lost a lot of times too when you’re a mom or married young or whatever. 

But anyway, I just realized mainly the opinions I was getting were from people who either were not in the same creative space, didn’t believe in me, or didn’t take it seriously and they were in my head with their thoughts and opinions so there was no understanding there or it was just all the noise and tips and tricks and gurus and masterclasses and shit on what you should be doing to keep up with the social media rat race while trying to build your community. 

So rather than getting actual advice that would help me progress in whatever journey it was that I was trying to progress in, I was overwhelmed by opinions and ideas and all the things from other people except for the help or the work that goes into it, lol. Like everyone has an opinion or what they feel like I should talk about or whatever but at the end of the day I’m the one that’s doing the work. So, if I’m the one that’s going to be doing all the work, then I should probably make sure that the work that I am doing is something that I’m going to enjoy, you know?

Self-Care is something I’m still working on daily. Trying to build businesses, parent, be married, make friends, work, and do all these things is fucking exhausting. The importance of self-care and taking time for yourself is discussed more heavily now which is good because at one point it was just like oh moms are fine this is what women are supposed to do. Suck it up. Meanwhile, dudes are out living their best lives whenever they get off their 1 job and just check out of life completely. Yeah ok. 

 It’s necessary to prioritize your own well-being because no one else will and if you don’t, you’re gonna snap or die. Shit, I’ve already had a mild heart attack at 25 from extreme stress so it can happen. You better take care of yourself 'cause when I tell no one else will I’m not playin'.

I also recently started back in therapy because I feel like I really needed it.

 I think that therapy is a really great way for you to process things at least for me anyway, it’s a really great way for me to process my thoughts and feelings and everything in an unbiased space and I think that’s really important sometimes because I feel like sometimes when you seek the advice of friends and family, they are going to give you the advice that they may think will work or help you but realistically, they are just telling you their opinion, and what they feel you should do whether or not that is the right choice for you.

I feel like there’s a constant back-and-forth of oh well women are supposed to blah blah blah, that shit is exhausting. I feel like that’s the constant damn battle I see on Twitter is what women should and shouldn’t be doing and ugh it’s exhausting. I’m not even gonna get into that today though.

I’ve been trying to catch up on my reading and watch lists lately. That’s part of my self-care because I really enjoy a good story. Movie or book. I have an amazing imagination and I like being transported elsewhere for a while, lol. That includes my audible lists (because I know there are crybabies that say that’s “not real reading” but whatever). You ever watch a show or a preview for a movie or something and you’re like omg that shit is eerily relatable, lol? No, just me? Well, that happens all the time, that’s how I end up finding a lot of stuff I watch. I really never look for reviews or whatever on things. I like to read or watch them for myself because unwarranted opinions have stopped me from watching or reading things in the past and then later on, I tried it anyway and I was like “Why did I listen to that person, this was great, lol.” So, I always find shows strictly from scrolling my streaming apps, lol. On rare occasions, I will check and see what the buzz is for new shows and stuff but usually, I just stumble upon them, lol. Like the show The Night Agent on Netflix. So good, I happen to find that show by just scrolling on Facebook and the Netflix page shared a meme about the show and I was like hmmm, what’s this? I saw people were liking it, so I wanted to give it a try and I actually like it, Kevin does too. We actually have to finish it. I think there are a few episodes we have left but yeah. Anyway, right now on my watch list, I’m catching up on Workin Moms. I’ve been seeing some buzz on socials about the season finale, so I’ve had to keep dodging those. I’m in season 5 on episode 7 right now and it’s getting wild. I won’t give any spoilers you know in case you’re watching it or you wanna jump into watching it so I’ll just give you a little run down about the characters and who they are and stuff because I still have some to watch so I know I’ll be spoiler city once I’m done and hopefully by then, y’all will be caught up too, lol.

So, the show is on Netflix. It’s a Canadian tv comedy series and it follows a group of working mothers as they navigate the challenges of balancing their careers, relationships, and motherhood. Life basically, lol. The show has a diverse cast of unique personalities, struggles, and strengths.

So, let’s see there’s Kate Foster: she’s an advertising executive and mother of two. She struggles to balance her demanding job (which I’m sure if you know anything about working in advertising it is very accurate) with her responsibilities as a parent, often feeling guilty about not spending enough time with her kids but still wants to make sure she’s making her mark in the career world as well. She has a witty, sarcastic personality and she’s really independent, but she also has a vulnerable side and a deep desire to be a good mom. I feel that’s pretty much every mom that cares. Like that’s the goal right, to be a good mom, lol. I mean I feel like that’s a lot of moms just trying to actually achieve some goals or dreams without the mom guilt, but it never works. She’s married to Nathan Foster and their marriage has definitely had some ups and downs if you want to call it that, lol.

Her friend is Anne Carlson, she holds an MD and Ph.D. as well as being a qualified Psychiatrist and a mother of two who recently returned to work after taking time off to raise her kids. She is smart, organized, and ambitious, but she also struggles with anxiety and self-doubt. Anne is a supportive friend and a natural leader, but she sometimes comes across as judgmental and uptight. Anyway, she’s married to Lionel and he’s kind, patient, and nurturing, but he also struggles with feeling inferior to Anne and her successful career. I feel like that’s most if not all men, it doesn’t matter how much they say they don’t care, they for sure care and I feel like a lot of men would struggle if their wives actually made more than they did, they may not say it but they thinkin' it, lol. Lionel learns to embrace his role as a caretaker and becomes more confident in himself and his abilities.

Frankie Coyne is like the wild child of the bunch but she’s trying to get better. Initially, she was married to her wife Giselle, and they have a daughter named Rhoda, but they got a divorce and currently live with Bianca, Juniper, her daughter Rhoda and her son Solomon. Frankie is a real estate agent who always puts her children first. She is warm, outgoing, and unapologetically herself, but she also has a tendency to overshare and get into awkward situations. Frankie is a super loyal friend though and is always willing to lend a helping hand.

Jenny Matthews is an IT specialist. Her character development is like a journey from shallowness and self-centeredness to personal growth and a commitment to gender equality. Even though she’s shallow, self-centered, and homophobic. Ya girl gets progressively worse throughout the series really, lol. 

 She’s married to Ian, but she was unhappy in the marriage and unfulfilled being a stay-at-home mom. She’s lowkey not great at being a mom, but like you be the judge, lol. She eventually goes back to work and there’s like a workplace hookup happening there too because Ian works there as well, and he got a promotion or whatever so he’s, her boss. Like it’s a lot, lol. 

But that’s basically a run-down of some of the main characters and what they’ve got going on. There are more but I don’t want to get into any spoilers right now, lol. But "Workin' Moms" is a good show, it’s funny and has a lot of relatable, flawed, and complex mom, marriage, and life moments in it which is what this pod is all about so I’m here for it, lol. It’s a hilarious portrayal of the challenges and triumphs of modern motherhood. So, it should for sure be on your watch list if it’s not already or you aren’t already watching it, or even if you’ve finished it. Like, you know especially if you’ve finished it but yeah, lol. 

 Then, I haven’t started, well wait let me not lie, I did start and watch the first episode and I think maybe even the second episode or some of it, idk but I may have to rewatch the second episode anyway because I feel like I had people I over when it was on, and I couldn’t fully pay attention but 

 "Firefly Lane" is also on Netflix, its drama series is based on the novel “Firefly Lane” by Kristin Hannah. I’ll do like a quick run down because it is a great story. The show follows the lifelong friendship of Tully and Kate, they met as teenagers in the 1970s and remained close through the ups and downs of their personal and professional lives. They actually had some traumatic experiences as kids, especially Tully. Tully Hart is a charismatic and ambitious tv host who like I said had a traumatic upbringing and struggled with addiction in her early years She grew up with her grandma being the only parent she really knew, and her mom Dorothy aka Cloud was a neglectful mother and a wild child. She’s driven to succeed in her career, but she also has a vulnerable side and a deep need for connection and love. She is confident, fiercely independent, and sometimes reckless in her personal life. While her Bff Kate Mularkey was a devoted wife and mother. She is kind, caring, and supportive, but she also struggles with self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. She’s a writer who put her dreams on hold to raise her family's typical story of a mom, but she finds her voice again when she reconnects with Tully and starts pursuing her passions. But overall, this story is so good but I’m literally on episode 1 and I’m trying to finish Workin' Moms and kind of go down the list catching up on all my shows, lol. 

Alright y’all, that’s it for this episode. I hope you all have a great Friday or whichever day you’re listening to this. Have a great week or weekend. I hope this episode was helpful in some way or you at least enjoyed this little chat with me. Remember to always speak your truth, and spread love and positivity. 

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 Until next week y’all, remember to always speak your truth, and spread love and positivity. Always remember you’re beautiful!

Byyyeeeee!!!!