March 31, 2021

"Stop Outsourcing Your Self Worth" Mindset Shifts with Kamini Wood

"Stop Outsourcing Your Self Worth" Mindset Shifts with Kamini Wood

In today's episode I sit down with International best-selling author Kamini Wood. Founder and CEO of Live Joy Your Way and The AuthenticMe Rise Up Program. She's a mother of 5, a certified life coach for teens and adults and Board Certified through The American Association of Drugless Practitioners. She's a mindset coach that helps you shift your negative mindset and heal the relationship with oneself. We talk about behavioral pattern resets, ending the outsourcing of your self worth, how a mindset coach can help you be a better co-parent, and much more. 

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Lola: [00:00:00] I was really excited to find someone that was  an actual,  mindset coach and someone that  worked with your own mindset. Cause you don't really think about that a lot. I thought that was something really interesting to learn that there are actual coaches for that for negative mindset. 

[00:00:15] Kamini: [00:00:15] Yeah,

[00:00:16] yeah, I'm so happy and I appreciate you inviting me. So, thank you for that. 

[00:00:21] Lola: [00:00:21] Hey y'all! Welcome to the awkward mom stage podcast, a podcast where Lola that's me, a millennial mom, talks to friends about life motherhood and everything in between. Every Wednesday, I bring you topics that we all struggle with, whether we're a parent or not. Every stage of motherhood is awkward.

[00:00:38] Whether you have one kid or six, you're a dog mom, or you feel like your partner's mom, things can get messy. I'm for sure an awkward mom, navigating all the growing pains that come along with millennial mom life. Feel stuck in an identity crisis? Feel like your life lacks direction? Goals feel distant?

[00:00:55]Well you're not alone. Tune in every Wednesday as I go through the crazy coaster called life [00:01:00] with you. This podcast celebrates motherhood in all forms for exactly what it is, awkward. I'm your host, Lola Nicole. Grab yourself a glass of water or wine, whichever suits your day and get ready because the awkward mom stage starts now.

[00:01:27] The birds are just as hyped for this episode as I am, I think because they are really wilin today. Hey, y'all and welcome back to the podcast. If you're new here. Hello, how are you? Welcome to the awkward mom stage. And if you're coming back for another episode, thank you so much for listening and supporting the show.

[00:01:47] On today's episode, I'm sitting down with Kamini Wood. She's a mindset coach that helps you shift your negative mindset and heal the relationship with oneself. She's a mother of five, and [00:02:00] international best-selling author, certified life coach for teens and adults. She's also Board certified through the American Association of Drugless Practitioners and founder and CEO of Live Joy Your Way and The AuthenticMe RiseUp program.

[00:02:15] Come join us as we talk all about mindset and how to overcome negativity while learning to love yourself. So, let's get into this episode. I always like to introduce my guests in the beginning, but I always like for them to introduce themselves, tell everyone what they do and why they do it and how they got 

[00:02:35] started.

[00:02:35] Kamini: [00:02:35] So I am Kamini Wood. I am a certified life coach that works with individuals on really healing that relationship with self. But truthfully, the way that I got started was not a linear path. So, I was working in the regular business world. I was a certified project manager. I went on from there to help my husband start his law practice.

[00:02:57] And in that role, I was wearing all the [00:03:00] hats, but I was a lot of what my work was really helping the staff figure out who they wanted to be, how they wanted to get there and helping them cultivate the futures that they wanted. Now in conjunction my own self growth was happening at the same time.

[00:03:14]So I'm a mom times five. So really what that meant was I was taking on the responsibility and the role of mom. But I also, my, my past is about I'm my name, like I said, I'm Kamini right? It's an awkward name or different name. It's of Indian descent. I grew up in a predominantly white town in Connecticut.

[00:03:33] So I stuck out as a young girl. And there was a lot of me that wanted to fit in, wanted to be part of, the norm. And what ended up happening was I took on a lot of people pleasing tendencies and a lot of perfectionist tendencies. Cause I didn't want to stick out. I wanted to be a part of it, the group, so to speak. To carry that through to adulthood and into motherhood and what I started to notice where my kids Emulating that people-pleasing [00:04:00] behavior. And it was through them that I realized that I needed it was that wake up, call that catalyst, if you will, that I needed to do some shifting because if I didn't start shifting that need to please, or that need to be perfect.

[00:04:14] They were going to continue down that path. It was just going to repeat for generations. In the context of the work I was doing, helping individuals in the workplace, but then also with my own self-growth transformation, I realized, wow, there are a lot of people who are dealing with these limiting beliefs, with these ideas that they're not good enough or that they don't belong, or that they have to somehow prove their worthiness.

[00:04:38]So it was really my transformation in conjunction with the work that I was doing that created this calling if you will. To really start going out and working with individuals on unveiling, what those limiting beliefs are and dealing with those, I call them false identities, right? They're the false beliefs.

[00:04:53] They're the things that happen in there. They're happening in the background. We're not really. Aware that they're there, they're in our subconscious, but they keep [00:05:00] us playing small or they keep us not reaching our full potential. And so, my work is really based on feeling that relationship with self, really understanding that each person has a right being just as they are and that their uniqueness is the gift that the world needs.

[00:05:16]And when they truly let go of that comparison or true, let go the external validation to the need for the external validation, they can actually live into what all is possible for themselves. 

[00:05:26] Lola: [00:05:26] Yeah. I totally get like the mindset needing to be shifted completely because I struggled with my negative mindset just from

[00:05:36] growth until adulthood. And it's really hard to break it's something that you really have to dig deep. Like where is this coming from? And sometimes you can't really make that discovery yourself. So, I would assume when someone is having that okay, like I can't break out of this negative mindset.

[00:05:57] I don't know what to do or where to go. That's [00:06:00] where you would come in. 

[00:06:00] Kamini: [00:06:00] Exactly. Yeah. So, the work that I ended up doing, it's about really helping them reveal it to themselves. Because again, a lot of times we don't know that's happening. We just have this kind of inkling that we're stuck or we can

[00:06:13] detect a little bit of it, but we don't really understand what's at that deeper level. And so, we can bring that up to the awareness. Then we can actually acknowledge that it's there. We come to acceptance. It's not about judging it and making it wrong. It's about coming to that acceptance. And then where do we want to go from here?

[00:06:29]How do we become generative from that place? 

[00:06:32] Lola: [00:06:32] Do you have a specific clientele that you work with more like moms or more business? 

[00:06:37] Kamini: [00:06:37] So it's really funny. When I first started out, I thought I was just going to be working with moms, but it's actually opened up. I ended up working with both men and women.

[00:06:46] I would say it skews more to women because I think a lot of us women do carry that the need to please, or that need to get everything done. We put on the, the superwoman Cape and the brave face. Like I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. When in fact there's a lot going on behind the [00:07:00] scenes. So, I would say that it skews a little more towards women.

[00:07:02]But it's generally between that 30- to 45-year-old range because they are moms. A lot of moms do you struggle with this, especially working moms too. Because now you're trying to balance work and you're trying to balance a relationship and you're trying to balance family and there's a lot of different hats and it's very easy to fall into this false belief of what I'm doing is not good enough.

[00:07:22] Or I'm not doing enough. And so, it's about how do we shift from that place into a more empowered place.

[00:07:31] Lola: [00:07:31] What do you feel like your hardest client would be like, is it someone that just, have you had anyone that just was like, I can't break out of these beliefs. It's just not happening for me. 

[00:07:42] Kamini: [00:07:42] Yeah. It's I actually really love that question because one of the things I talked to about with potential clients is the one requirement I have is somebody who's willing to like, do the work.

[00:07:53] Somebody who's willing to take ownership because if we're stuck in victimhood and we are not willing to at least see [00:08:00] what our 3% is, right. And what I mean by that is, we could be, for instance, we'll take a relationship. It can be a very toxic dynamic, but we always have that 3%, which is ours, which is what we take ownership of.

[00:08:13] If we're willing to do that, shifts can happen. It's when. We constantly are thinking everything is happening to us. And there's not that willingness to say, okay, what little part of this is mine? And that ownership is there. So, I would say that's probably been the struggle with a couple people who've come to the table and they were just so convinced that everything was happening to them.

[00:08:33] And coaching is all about that decision to say, I'm ready to step into what's possible. I'm ready to step into this generative place. As long as that willingness is there. It'll work. 

[00:08:44]Lola: [00:08:44] I feel like that would be, that was like the hardest for me was just being like, okay, yes, things are happening outside of your control, but what part can you control?

[00:08:54] I think that's the hardest part is acceptance. So, you have to first be like, okay,  what did [00:09:00] I do?  You may not have necessarily done whatever it is to you, but what did you, what part did you play in? It is the, what you have to brings to the table. I think that's the hardest part for a lot of people.

[00:09:12] It was the hardest part for me. Anyway, I know that for sure. 

[00:09:15] Kamini: [00:09:15] Yeah. I think being a mom will teach us that, right? How did I contribute to this screaming match that's happening right now? 

[00:09:25] Lola: [00:09:25] Maybe I did contribute to the yelling. I guess I have to put myself in that place. Hey, y'all it's Lola here, host and producer of the awkward mom stage podcast.

[00:09:33] And let me tell you, hosting and producing this podcast is not easy. I had no idea what I was doing and I still don't. Don't tell anyone, but I don't. Buzzsprout has definitely been there to help me along the way from hosting to helpful videos on what to do, how to edit, where to go, how to get music, you name it.

[00:09:55] They let me know how to do it. And their Facebook community is even more helpful. [00:10:00] So let me tell you now, if you are a podcaster or you're trying to start a podcast or you have a podcast and you're looking for a host. Definitely check out Buzzsprout. They've got everything you need to get started, even a domain name

[00:10:12] if you don't already have one. Trust me, I'm no tech genius and Buzzsprout has definitely been my saving grace. So, if you're interested, you can definitely click the link in the show notes and it will take you to Buzzsprout and they will walk you through everything you need on getting your podcast, up running and ready to go.

[00:10:33] Now, back to the show. What would you say are some steps for someone that is trying to step out of that negative mindset? They haven't necessarily found a mindset coach yet, but they're teetering on. Do I need one? Should I get one? 

[00:10:49] Kamini: [00:10:49] Yeah. It's really that commitment to self. So, I will hear from so many people like, oh yeah, that sounds like a great idea, but there's like this thing that keeps them from investing in themselves.

[00:10:57] And I think, honestly, that's the first step is [00:11:00] recognizing that when we do put that work into self and it is work, it's not like there's an easy button and we can just say, okay, we're fixed. And like a week or something, I wish we could. But when we think about it, it's taken us years to get to where we are.

[00:11:11] So it's going to take us a little bit of time, at least. So, switch those neural pathways, but that first step is really recognizing, like you're worth it. Really recognizing if I shift, not only does it open up my world to be fully engaged in my life, but also my loved ones are going to shift too, because all relationships will end up benefiting from the work that we do on ourself.

[00:11:31] Of course, that relationship with self is the foundation. It's the most important one, in my opinion. And then the next step is really to just. Ready, be willing to be honest, when what could, when we think about limiting beliefs, the biggest question is what am I afraid of?

[00:11:44]Really starting there and really bringing to the table and not being afraid to say naming it, this is the thing I'm afraid of this that's that first step, because when we do start to bring things to awareness and we do start to acknowledge them, then we can start making commitments.

[00:11:59][00:12:00] We can start making commitments to what actions we want to take to move ourselves forward. 

[00:12:06] Lola: [00:12:06] Is it  more of a,  12 step kind of thing? Or is it like a 28 day because I know it's 28 days or 30 days or something before you form a habit. So, is that kind of what you follow? 

[00:12:16] Kamini: [00:12:16] It's so funny you say that because I think there's, it depends which school of thought you're looking at.

[00:12:20] Some will say 21 days, some will say 28 and then I've heard 60. My take on it is it truthfully, it depends on the person, right? It depends on each individual person. And that's part of the process is recognizing that we have to let go of comparison. What works for me in 28 days might take somebody 21 days and it might take this other person 60 days.

[00:12:41]It's all about our own relationship with ourselves. The way that I follow it is it, my program is really it's called the rise up program. What it really stands for is we reveal, Reveal what's that old story? What's that false belief. It's about the inner work,  self-awareness because again, self-awareness is a huge component.

[00:12:59] If [00:13:00] we're not aware of what's going on, we can't shift it. And then it's the elements. What elements tools are we going to put in place commitments? We're going to put in place to shift, and then you unlearn those old habits and you program the new story. So that's what I follow. It's not about, in 21 days this'll happen or in 28 days, this will happen.

[00:13:18] It's about giving you time and space to recognize what's not working. What are the commitments? And then how do we shift it? Because. Shifting neural pathways is not a linear process. I equate neural pathways in our brain to that. Like a highway for instance, where, it's paved, it's just straight, we can go on autopilot.

[00:13:37] We're just shifting down. And that's like our old habits and our old patterns. And what we're essentially trying to do is veer off the highway onto this dirt path road into a new place. And it's bumpy, it's awkward. And all of us wants to just say, oh my gosh, it'd be so much easier to just get back on that highway because it's just smooth sailing.

[00:13:53] I don't have to think about it. And so that's what we're really butting up against is pushing ourselves to get onto that [00:14:00] bumpy dirt path and keep going until it becomes a smoother ride. And that, like I said, for some, it takes 21 days. And for some it'll take 60, the point is how committed are we to it?

[00:14:10] How committed are we to showing up each and every day? Riding on that dirt path, bumps it all until it becomes a smoother pathway until those neural pathways are really set for ourselves to move. 

[00:14:21] Lola: [00:14:21] Okay. I know there is obviously a difference between having a negative mindset and just like full on depression.

[00:14:31] So when do you know when that person is okay, this might not be a mindset thing. This might be more of a depression thing. 

[00:14:40] Kamini: [00:14:40] Yeah. So, the way that I've really been in how I look to when I'm speaking to people about this is, depression is that long period of time, right? Where we can have our sad days.

[00:14:51] We're all human we're going to have them. But when we're in that for long periods of time, we're talking several weeks and we can't seem to shift out of it. And there [00:15:00] are no moments of joy, right? There are no moments of happiness. There's like this inability to really see anything positive.

[00:15:07]Even like with people who I’ll say, what can you be grateful for? What nugget can you be grateful for in this moment when we're struggling routinely to find those things. I often say it, it would probably be beneficial at that point to speak therapy, because at that point you're really in that victim mindset.

[00:15:25] When it's or victim hood, so to speak when we are, when it's more of a mindset issue and a limiting belief issue, we know that something is possible beyond where we are currently. We just feel stuck. We feel like I just don't know how to do that. I can't shake this thing, but I know what's possible.

[00:15:42] That's the difference or that's how I delineate between 

[00:15:44] the two. 

[00:15:45] Lola: [00:15:45] Yeah. That makes sense. Being, having depression, myself. I've gone through those periods where it's okay this isn't a mindset thing. This is definitely something that I can't break. I don't even want to be in this right now, but [00:16:00] I'm in it.

[00:16:00] So I should probably step outside and find someone to talk to. Therapy has been wonderful so it definitely helps you move past okay. Maybe it's not like a mindset thing. Maybe it's more of something that I can't control myself. 

[00:16:16] Kamini: [00:16:16] Had clients in the past, where that, what their therapist or psychiatrist

[00:16:20] and I will work in, in coordination with each other. Because it's about how do we get to equilibrium from that brain chemical standpoint, and then the coaching can step in because now when we're at equilibrium, those conscious choices to say, okay, I'm ready to move forward. I'm ready to get into a generative place.

[00:16:36] Lola: [00:16:36] So you actually do work with therapists? Do they contact you or does the client contact them? And then 

[00:16:43] you...? 

[00:16:43] Kamini: [00:16:43] So, it kind of works two ways. I've had clients in the past. We've, been working together and then it comes through to the surface that we would, they would be, it would be beneficial for them to have both of us.

[00:16:54]Most often, though, clients will come to me. They've been working with a therapist or a psychiatrist and [00:17:00] sometimes the therapist or psychiatrist will say, what would be beneficial is a life coach as well sometimes the client themselves recognized I could use both. And then it's just about getting both of us on the same page together.

[00:17:10]Because truthfully, we're not at odds with one another. We're not in competition with each other. They really can complement one another and they really can help the client move into that place where anything is really truthfully possible for them. 

[00:17:24] Lola: [00:17:24] Oh 

[00:17:24] that's good to know. Cause I always wondered that. Okay, I'm in therapy, so maybe I need one at a time, like therapist and life coach, then whatever else.

[00:17:32] So it's nice to know that you can incorporate them both to work to work. Cause I would assume they both would mirror and help each other in different ways. So that's good to know that people can incorporate those together as well. So, there's more than one mindset coach, correct?

[00:17:51]There's like a belief breakthrough coaching and then mindset coaching. Do you work with both or one or the other? 

[00:17:58]Kamini: [00:17:58] I've made my own [00:18:00] way so to speak. And so, I probably am a happy mix of both. I know that there are like habit coaches for instance. But see my personal take on this whole process of transformation is.

[00:18:10]We can change behaviors, but for full transformation to occur, we have to shift how we are showing up. Who we're showing up as, and how we are showing up? And so, it's not just about habits because that's, in my opinion, its surface level, we can shift a habit, but we can

[00:18:27] easily also shift back to an old habit.

[00:18:29]Lola: [00:18:29] Right. 

[00:18:30] Kamini: [00:18:30] It's about how do we shift that underneath piece? How are we showing up? How do we see ourselves? And that's where I say that relationship with self is the foundation. So that's what I say. I'm probably a mix of both because it's a mix of belief as well as a mix of like habits and a mix of, just it's like a conglomeration of all of it.

[00:18:47] Because I really do try to. Reveal, like what's the false belief. And then also, how do you want to show up and how do you see yourself? And what's really true about you and mash it all together. And that's what I do. 

[00:19:00] [00:19:00] Lola: [00:19:00] For me. It was hard to shift a negative belief and then stay in that positive mindset.

[00:19:07] Have you had clients that have gone through all the steps, did all the changes and then they had to come back to you because they 

[00:19:14] reverted? 

[00:19:14] Kamini: [00:19:14] It's really funny you say that because I do think that we're human. And so, we're going to have our moments. What I really try to work with my clients on is through the process of the work that we do talking about what happens when we have a breakdown. Because,

[00:19:30] again, we're human. We're not quote unquote. Perfect. We're going to have our moments where we might fall back into an old belief, but it's about empowering them to know how to shift from that place. So oftentimes my clients, they might reach out to say, Hey, I'm having a moment. Can we just do a session to just touch base?

[00:19:48] But I've only had a few of those. Most of them, the way that I work is about how, we talk, we're honest, we talk about what happens in a breakdown and then a breakdown doesn't mean, you've reverted back and everything has [00:20:00] been lost. It's about, Ooh, I've broken down. There's been a breakdown now, what is going to be this breakthrough moment?

[00:20:07]Because the old way of showing up was I'm in a breakdown and all is lost the new way. And through our work, it's about recognizing I can grow through this. And so, it's about really empowering my client to be able to anchor back into what they know to be true about themselves and to shift into that.

[00:20:24] I would have to say that most often my clients happily leave every now and again, they do reach out. I actually just got a text this morning from a past client who was just letting me know, giving me an update about  where she is now. And she actually is dating and having a really good time doing that which is a huge shift for her.

[00:20:41] So it's nice to hear from clients just to know that, they're continuing on the path. And then, like I said, every now and again, to be like, Hey. This has happened and we'll have a quick conversation about it, but for the most part, most people are good to go. 

[00:20:54] Lola: [00:20:54] Yeah. That's good to know.

[00:20:55] At least people aren't  having to go back. Cause I feel like it's different [00:21:00] with everything with like business coaching therapy, all of that. Everything has its own steps. I feel like sometimes people get caught up in the how fast can I get to the end goal. Like  it's 28 days or is it 60 or which book is going to get me there faster?

[00:21:17] And I feel like that was something that I definitely struggled with was like reading every self-help mindset, anything I could get my hands on and just being like, okay, now I'm overwhelmed because now I have too much information and now, I don't know where to start. So yeah. Do you find that a lot of people do all of that and then they just finally come to you please just help me?

[00:21:40] Kamini: [00:21:40] Yeah, 

[00:21:41] that's so true. I think we all do that, especially those who recognize, like we need to shift something. We do look for those self-help books. I do have people who finally are just like, I can't figure out what to do with this information because the truth is books are amazing with information, but the key is how do we integrate it?

[00:21:58]How do we integrate it and make it [00:22:00] part of how we're showing up? That's truly where I come in and you're absolutely right. Like I do think that people still do come to me sometimes and say, okay how quickly can we get this done? Like how many sessions will this take? And I'm very honest and upfront transformation is not something that it's a one and done as much as I would love to say it is, it's a process.

[00:22:16] And so like, How I work. We work in containers of time because that gives you the ability to, reveal what's been going on and then actually make the shift, have time to put those new neural pathways into place. So, it's not about in 20 days, you're going to be perfectly fine. It's in, sometimes the books are set up that way they'll have that like well in three weeks

[00:22:34] you'll be AOK. It's, it'd be lovely if that's how integration happens, but it doesn't, we're human. And so, one day we have two steps forward and the next day we feel like we've taken a step back and it's learning to give ourselves grace in that process and then recognize that. And if we do that and we allow the space for it to unfold, it will unfold.

[00:22:53] And it's about integration. How do we incorporate this into how we're showing up each and every day? And that's the key, [00:23:00] because information is great. And I say this to people all the time. I'm not an information giver. I'm not a fixer. I'm about standing with my clients and about co collaborating with them.

[00:23:08] And I'm about transformation. This is about how do we shift things that are no longer working into what will 

[00:23:14] work. 

[00:23:17] Lola: [00:23:17] I don't even know which book it was at this point, but it was one book I was reading and I was like, okay, this one says I've got seven days and I'm just going to be the most productive person on the planet.

[00:23:27] And then I just remember finishing it and it was like, okay. But like I read about other people implementing it, but I didn't do I didn't feel like I was implementing it correctly. I didn't have someone to be like, okay, maybe we should try this or maybe we should do that. So, it definitely shows that like, yeah, sure.

[00:23:42] There's some people that will get that information and they're on their way. And then for me, I'm more of like a hands-on person and I have to be in it. So yeah. It's a lot harder for me. I love to read, I love to get information, but then it's okay what do I do?

[00:24:02] [00:24:00] Kamini: [00:24:02] Exactly? Yes. I'm with you on that. I'm the same way, I've got this great information now, what do I do with it? How do I integrate it? 

[00:24:09] Lola: [00:24:09] I think that's what shows people when they need a coach or when they might need something.  When you are just like, okay What next,  now I have the steps, but  how do I use the steps?

[00:24:20] How do I do this? How do I do that? And I feel  that's where a coach or a mentor or something like that would come in to be like, okay this is how you could implement them in a way that is going to work for you because not everyone's the same. So, I would assume that with all of your clients, you have different

[00:24:38] work for all of them, not everyone is doing the same thing. 

[00:24:42] Kamini: [00:24:42] Exactly. Exactly. It's not a, a prescribed this, and this, and then you're good. It's, what's coming up for you. And that's part of what I talk about with the people who reach out to me is that I don't come to the sessions within an agenda.

[00:24:54]Sure. We have a grand idea of what your goals are and what, but things are [00:25:00] happening in your life, they're happening in your life. They're personal to you. And so that's what I make my coaching about. It's personal to the client. Who's sitting in front of me. So, for instance, I might have a tool.

[00:25:10] That I want to use with one person, but it wouldn't make sense with somebody else because they're not experiencing something in the same way. Or I also learn how my clients learn. So, some of my clients don't learn well with worksheets. If they're having, if they don't do well with reading, for instance, like they struggle with it.

[00:25:27] It would not make any sense for me to keep giving them worksheets and saying, let's work through this worksheet instead. It's about how do we create an exercise that actually is practical? And so, a lot of times I'm in a session and I'm coming up with, an exercise intuitively, meaning I'm listening to what they're saying and internalizing it.

[00:25:46] And then I'm thinking, okay, how would we integrate this into everyday life? So, when they leave the session, they're leaving with that life work of how they're going to integrate it. But for person one, it's going to be different from person two. 

[00:25:58]Lola: [00:25:58] There's always a template [00:26:00] or something like floating around, get these free seven steps to getting right on track or being a millionaire or whatever.

[00:26:06]I'm always like, okay is that how coaching works? Does everybody come there with a template? And there's like special things they put in there and then that's how you learn or like, how does it work? So, it's good to know that it's like tailored to you and how you would learn, go in your environment because it doesn't.

[00:26:24] A lot of things don't fit for everyone. So can't somebody that's like really, I'm a very organized, I love lists and structure and all that, but for someone, my husband is the complete opposite and hates all of that. So, it would not make sense for us to have the same strategy when trying to change our mindsets.

[00:26:44] Kamini: [00:26:44] Exactly. Exactly. And it's true.  Like I have several different tools that I could pull from, but for somebody, for instance, like your husband, he doesn't do lists. Some of those tools will make absolutely no sense because he would just get frustrated and say, okay, this is not worth anything.

[00:26:58]So it's about how do we. [00:27:00] Work within, each person really recognizing they're not broken. I'm not trying to fix them. There is right being just as they are. And then how do we pull out those strengths and utilize those to really put into place the mindsets that they want to work. 

[00:27:14] Lola: [00:27:14] Okay. Have you worked with any couples, have you had couples that have been like, we want to work on our mindsets, but they're obviously complete opposite?

[00:27:23] Have you had that yet? 

[00:27:24]Kamini: [00:27:24] I have in the sense that they're a couple, but I work with them individually. Because it's about that relationship with self. So, it's about how do I really work on that and get that to the strong foundation. And then together they come together, even in the conscious uncoupling work that I do, I'll work with each person and, I can work with each individual.

[00:27:42] I don't work with couples together because my whole theory is how do you, how do I see myself and how do I show up in the dynamic of the relationship? So, when doing that work, it is very personal. And a lot of times when we're [00:28:00] with somebody else, for instance, even if it is our spouse or significant other, we might hold something back.

[00:28:05] And if we continue to hold that back and we don't actually bring it to the table, we can't work through it. 

[00:28:09] Lola: [00:28:09] So you work with couples that are separating as well?

[00:28:15] Kamini: [00:28:15] Yeah. 

[00:28:16] Lola: [00:28:16] Is that to help them co-parent better or just be better separate? . 

[00:28:19] Kamini: [00:28:19] Truthfully, it's to help co-parent first and foremost, because ultimately when relationships end and there are children involved, those children are, they're I don't want to call them victims because they're not, I don't want to victimize anybody, but, they're not in control of the situation, it's happening around them and they don't really have a say. So, it's how can the two adults in the situation be as healthy as possible when separating? And so, for that, it's about consciously coming to the awareness of, okay. Again, how did I show up in the dynamic? How can I heal? Because when we're healed as parents, we can then show up fully for our children.

[00:28:56] It's when we're dealing with our own unhealed issues, where we [00:29:00] start projecting onto our kids, and then they end up suffering from that. 

[00:29:04] Lola: [00:29:04] Okay. 

[00:29:04] That's good to know. I never, I would never even have thought of a mindset coach working with couples that are separating because you just think Oh, they're going their separate ways.

[00:29:14] They'll figure it out. But it's Oh,  when they do have children,  my parents divorced and it would have been great if they had a mindset coach, probably it probably would've made things go a lot smoother. So that is good to know that there are couples that are working with mindset coaches just to be better co-parents to their children.

[00:29:32] Kamini: [00:29:32] Yep. Yeah, because again, we project, we do it as regular, everyday parents who were married and happily married. We still project our own stories on our kids all the time. So, it's about really taking ownership of that and saying, okay, I'm I recognize that this marriage is no longer intact.

[00:29:48] Let me bring to my consciousness so that I can do my work so that I'm not projecting those things onto my kids. 

[00:29:54] Lola: [00:29:54] Okay. So, what would you say to someone that is okay, I want to work with a mindset [00:30:00] coach or but I just have a really negative mindset and they have that skepticism?

[00:30:05] How do you get them to, break out of that? 

[00:30:08] Kamini: [00:30:08] Two questions one what is possible, right? What would you think is possible? And the second one is what do you want to create? Because when we can actually identify those two things and we recognize there is something beyond where I am currently.

[00:30:26] Instead it's okay. What do you want to create? What would be possible for you if you had that magic wand, so to speak? Yeah, because when we can name that now we're getting somewhere.

[00:30:35]Lola: [00:30:35] What steps would you tell someone that is working towards like bettering their mindset? They haven't necessarily made the decision to get like a coach so to speak, but they're like trying to take baby steps, I guess you would say, what would you, what tips would you give them to work towards a more positive

[00:30:51] every day? 

[00:30:52] Kamini: [00:30:52] The basic tips that I would really say is to really get in touch with what they're feeling and what they're needing. When we [00:31:00] ask ourselves that those two questions on a daily basis, and we're naming those two things that is really I would say the first step in working out of where you are currently stuck and into what is possible.

[00:31:13]Oftentimes when we don't name those things for ourselves, we're not really aware of what it is that we're truly feeling or what it is that we truly need. We spin, we just keep spinning on the same cycle that we're on, or we just stay on auto autopilot, so to speak. It's those two questions are the ones that can really jolt us out of that.

[00:31:32]Lola: [00:31:32] Do you like incorporate meditation or  manifestation or anything at all in your practice?

[00:31:38]Kamini: [00:31:38] I do for the clients who are open to it, some clients are just like, yeah, Kamini I don't do that, which I respect. I respect wholeheartedly. I do believe in mindfulness. For instance, though being a people pleasing perfectionist myself, or recovering, I should say. The regret of the past can sometimes

[00:31:55] keep us limited or also the future tripping, worrying about problems that don't exist quite [00:32:00] yet, and you want to solve them. So, I truly believe in how can we get present in the here and now. In today's moment where I am currently. So, I do wholeheartedly believe in mindfulness for instance.

[00:32:10]I also do believe in meditation. I do think that when we can allow ourselves the space to just get quiet and just really allow that. That mental space for all those anxious thoughts to settle down. It's very beneficial from just an emotional health standpoint. But again, if a client is just yeah, I don't do, I can't do meditation.

[00:32:28]That doesn't mean that we can't work together because it's not a requirement. It's just a tool. It's a tool to use. 

[00:32:33] Lola: [00:32:33] Okay. Yeah. 

[00:32:35] I'm learning. I'm still like learning meditation and all of that, so yeah. I'm learning that I learned that there's different ways to meditate. So, it makes me, it makes me feel better about my meditation journey, because I'm like, okay, I'm not doing this wrong necessarily.

[00:32:50] I'm doing it the way that works for me. So that definitely would make sense that, some people, like for a long time I would not do it. I was like, I cannot, I can't be quiet. I can't [00:33:00] sit still. It's not going to happen. And until I figured out a way to incorporate it. While also, still being able to not feel constricted.

[00:33:10]It was nice to finally like break through that and be like, Oh, okay. I can finally do something new and try something different. 

[00:33:17] Kamini: [00:33:17] Yeah, walking meditations are something that I use with clients sometimes, those movement meditations, cause some people are just like, I can't sit still.

[00:33:24] I was the type that I could not sit for 15 minutes and have my mind to be quiet. So, I started off with walking meditations and moving meditations. And only recently have I actually found that now I'm at a place where I'm able to sit still and that's able to allow the space to be quiet. So, it's giving yourself that grace to figure out.

[00:33:44] What works for you and what doesn't. I have some clients in the past too, when they close their eyes, it actually caused them to be more anxious. You can meditate while drawing or painting. And so, we figured out ways that we can incorporate those things into the quote unquote meditation. It does not have [00:34:00] to look like, the, what we envisioned in our heads of sitting cross legged and silent and Hands in a certain position.

[00:34:05] It doesn't have to be that way. It can really be what works for you. 

[00:34:10] Lola: [00:34:10] Yeah. I just, I actually just got an adult coloring book because coloring calms me. It's coloring the eighties or something. I don't know. But it's, I didn't even realize that was a way of working on your mindset and meditation and they were like, yeah,  this is something people do to relax and I'm like, Oh, great.

[00:34:31] Kamini: [00:34:31] Yeah, it's funny that you say the coloring book. One of my ways of meditating and quieting my mind is paint by numbers. I used to do them as a kid and there is a reason why I liked doing them when I was a child. And I'm realizing it's totally fine to do it now as an adult. 

[00:34:45] Lola: [00:34:45] Yeah. I'm like, I'm so glad that they made this an acceptable thing.

[00:34:48] Because this is great. And I enjoy it. 

[00:34:50] Kamini: [00:34:50] That's right.

[00:34:54] Lola: [00:34:54] What would you tell someone who's like working on their mindset, but they have people around [00:35:00] them that are in a negative mindset that, and they can't necessarily separate themselves completely right now because it's their parent or husband or something like that? 

[00:35:09] Kamini: [00:35:09] Yeah, that's a tough one. But it really comes down to boundaries and sometimes it is boundaries with words, but sometimes it's

[00:35:17] just adding that energetic boundaries. I was actually just talking to a client about this morning. It's about that, that self-talk and that self-dialogue of recognizing what's the other person's and what's mine. So, when we're working on ourselves, we can't control how other people show up. They may choose to not change.

[00:35:33] They may choose to show up with their negative mindset, but we have the choice always as to what we're going to accept into our world. What we're going to accept. As our own. And so, we can put up those energetic boundaries where we just simply have that dialogue with self that says, okay, that's theirs

[00:35:49] that's not mine, and we continue to do our work. Because ultimately that's all we can control is how we show up. We don't have control over other people's choices or what false beliefs they might be dealing with. 

[00:35:59][00:36:00] Lola: [00:35:59] Yeah. It's sometimes you just have to block them out or go for a walk. I know I had a friend that said she used to just go for walks when she had to stay at her friends , she was like her roommate.

[00:36:10] And she was like the most negative person ever. But obviously you can't un sign your lease. So, she's I would just go on walks or do anything I could to like, be away from her because otherwise, like some people just drain your energy. They're just like, Oh. And me being an introverted person.

[00:36:27] And I'm an Enneagram two, but I just get some people's energy just drains me and we're not even doing anything necessarily. We're just in the same room and I'm just like, Ugh, I am so exhausted right now. Yeah. So, you definitely have to work on that. 

[00:36:42] Yeah, I 

[00:36:42] Kamini: [00:36:42] totally get that. I'm an empath by nature myself. So, I pull in a lot of people's energies.

[00:36:47] And so it's really about. Creating that, that energetic boundary around myself and really doing that whole recognition of, okay, that's not mine, that's their energy. They're responsible for it. It really comes down to [00:37:00] recognizing, we're not responsible for anyone else's happiness.

[00:37:03] We can contribute to happiness, but we're not responsible for it. Each one of us is responsible for creating our own happiness. 

[00:37:10] Lola: [00:37:10] A lot of times I've seen women Oh, I'll be happy when I get in a relationship. And it's okay. But you're not going to be happy

[00:37:16] in the relationship necessarily, because you're still unhappy with you. Like you hate you. If this person leaves you, you're just going to be crumbling and you're back to square one. So, you should probably work on you and then find someone that's Oh, I like this person for who they are. And not just I need to be in a relationship.

[00:37:35] Kamini: [00:37:35] Yup. Yup. Absolutely. Finding that person to compliment you. Not complete, you.

[00:37:40] Lola: [00:37:40] I think that, especially during my quarantine and stuff, I feel like a lot of people were just like, I just don't want to be alone. So here we are, we're in this together now in this quarantine locked down together. So, we don't have to be alone.

[00:37:51] But then some people were like, Oh my gosh, we're together too much. And now I can't stand you. That's why it was a lot of like separation. I feel people were like, Oh no! I feel [00:38:00] like people get so caught up in their day to day and everything they're doing. They don't

[00:38:04] necessarily have time to be around those people. And then when they are on those people that are like, Oh, I don't really like your energy. Like I thought I did. And now I'm with you 24 seven. So, it's definitely not going to work. 

[00:38:16] Kamini: [00:38:16] It's so true. I think that definitely happened for sure. During this quarantine.

[00:38:21] Lola: [00:38:21] Yeah. People were not having it with the relationships and being with each other. Just being a mom and having multiple children and being at it's okay, I love my kids, but even I would like for you to go somewhere so that mommy could just be alone for five minutes. 

[00:38:36] Kamini: [00:38:36] Yeah. 

[00:38:36] Yeah, just be on my own.

[00:38:40] Lola: [00:38:40] Don't follow me to the bathroom for the third time. I'm good. I don't need you to talk to 

[00:38:43] me there.

[00:38:44]I always ask a pod decks question because I always like to see where my guests’ heads are at and what they're thinking. So, today's question is what is something you wish you could avoid? 

[00:38:56] Kamini: [00:38:56] Ooh, what I could avoid truth be [00:39:00] told the biggest thing that I wish I could avoid are this is going to sound awful, but I wish I could avoid all of the negative energy that could be bouncing around.

[00:39:10]If I could go through my day without having to deal with that and having to work on those energetic boundaries that would be awesome because it would be like one less thing that I have to worry about. 

[00:39:20] Lola: [00:39:20] Yeah. I definitely was just an energy deflector shield or something. So, it's just like bounce off the negative energy.

[00:39:27]Please don't bring that over here today. Like I'm already having a day. I don't need what you've got going on too. Do you have anything, any projects in the works? Do you have anything coming up or any seminars or do you do things like that or are you just private coaching sessions? 

[00:39:44] Kamini: [00:39:44] Yeah, 

[00:39:45] so right now I'm still running my, I've got my one-to-one coaching sessions.

[00:39:48]Because again I work one-to-one with people. I have a plan in the works of maybe possibly creating a group program come like the may timeframe. Because sometimes people, the investment level is too high for that. One-on-one so I'm [00:40:00] trying to create a program where we might be able to do like a small group of people and really work on just like maybe a 12-week program to work on that healing, that relationship with self.

[00:40:08] So that's in the works. And then right now I actually just, we had, I was in a book collaboration that just came out on February 23rd. So that's allowing myself to, too. Rejoice in that and I'm waiting to see what the next project will be. Yeah, for the next few months I'm really just enjoying my one-to-one coaching.

[00:40:25] And then, like I said potentially creating this group program that might need a little more feasible for people who can't invest in that one-to-one. 

[00:40:32] Lola: [00:40:32] Okay. 

[00:40:33] Kamini: [00:40:33] I do have one book out right now. It's called OM Life's Gentle Reminders. It's not really a front to back read. It's more of like small analogies that I took from everyday life where it's like an if situation that I may have experienced and how can we look at it differently?

[00:40:46] So I guess it's probably a spin on that mindfulness thing or mindset Topic where it's can I look at this differently? And if I do look at this situation differently, what could be possible? So, it's really, it's a short book it's really meant for people to be able to pick it up, [00:41:00] grab and read like a story one day and then just, the next day read another one.

[00:41:03]So that's out there already. I do think that eventually I'd love to create or write another book. I'm just not totally sure what it will be. Exactly on. I do. The basis and foundation will be how important the relationship with self is. But I haven't, haven't sat down to write it yet, so I don't know what it will exactly look like at the end.

[00:41:24] Lola: [00:41:24] Okay. If someone would like to work with you or they want to they have more inquiries about mindset, coaching and everything, how would they find you? 

[00:41:31]Kamini: [00:41:31] So my website is kaminiwood.com. That's K a m i n i w o o d.com. And I'm also on Facebook and Instagram with the handle it's authentic me. 

[00:41:41] Lola: [00:41:41] Alright, you're on Instagram I know

[00:41:43] and do you have other, is it Facebook and Twitter? 

[00:41:47] Kamini: [00:41:47] Yep. I have Facebook, Twitter. I'm on Pinterest as well. All of them, same handle. It's authentic me. 

[00:41:53] Lola: [00:41:53] Okay. And I'll put, I'll make sure I put it all in the show notes and everything, so everyone can spell everything. And just go straight there [00:42:00] and do, how do people like approach you with

[00:42:03]mindset coaching? Did they DM you and they're like, Hey, I'm thinking about coaching or is there a worksheet they fill out? 

[00:42:10]Kamini: [00:42:10] So if they go to my website, there's quick, you can hit the button to it says apply now, but it's really just a quick set of questions. And then they can book a time right there on my calendar, or they can send me a DM and I'm happy to engage in conversation that way, too.

[00:42:23] Lola: [00:42:23] Okay. Awesome. This has been super enlightening, because like I said, I am the worst with the negative mindsets and trying to break through that, especially dealing with depression and postpartum and then every day, everything else, it's hard to focus on yourself, especially as a mom.

[00:42:45] Trying to be like, okay, now I'm going to have some me time and now I'm going to learn about me. And I feel like I didn't really think necessarily about my mindset too much until I would say COVID time, around shutdown because you didn't really have [00:43:00] anywhere to go.

[00:43:00] You didn't have a lot of things to do. So, it was you're sitting there and you're like, Oh, I never thought about that before. And in your mind, just has more time to, to wander do you, did you see that you had an increase in clientele during COVID times? 

[00:43:15] Kamini: [00:43:15] Yeah. You made an excellent point.

[00:43:17] I think what happens is that, or before COVID we were able to busy ourselves and able to avoid the things that we didn't want to pay attention to. And then suddenly the shutdown happened and it was like, Oh, shoot. I can't, I don't, I can't distract myself from all these things. And so, lots of people had to and it's not a, had to, it was, they were gifted with the opportunity in my mind, they're gifted the opportunity to say, Oh, I have this time to self-reflect.

[00:43:42] And the other thing that you touched on that I think is so important to just highlight is that postpartum. I think a lot of moms almost feel like guilty or shameful if they have those moments after giving birth. And it's so important in my mind that we highlight. That it's okay. And that [00:44:00] we have to give ourselves that space to work through that.

[00:44:03]I'm a mom of five, after my second child, I definitely suffered from postpartum. And there was this feeling of Oh, I shouldn't feel that way. And it's really letting go of the shoulds, right? It's about recognizing, okay. This is just part of being a mom. It's part of being human. And I can allow for these emotions, it's about.

[00:44:20] Not necessarily identifying with them, naming them and then giving space to work through them. What do I need? And it's so important. I do absolutely believe that we have to support our moms in that process. And I just wanted to highlight that because you brought it up and it's something that I'm very passionate about.

[00:44:35] Because I don't think moms get credit or at least give are given that room. To fully explore after they've gone through birth. Sorry. I just had to throw that in there. 

[00:44:45] Lola: [00:44:45] You're  okay, yeah, that, that's totally true because for me, I was just like what? It just felt so weird to be thinking about me with a new it's okay, you have this new baby and you have your family.

[00:44:57] You should be focusing on that. You shouldn't be [00:45:00] sad.  You should be fine. Everything, you can't do that because people are gonna, they're going to be upset that you're thinking about anything other than your blessing. Yeah, I definitely felt like postpartum was a time where I was just like, okay, this is how I'm feeling.

[00:45:17] But now luckily for me, in my time, in that time of postpartum, I was able to see a therapist. There's a lot of people that don't have that. Ability and it's, I feel so important to have someone to talk to because it's definitely an empty and lonely feeling. So, to try and shift that mindset, it's very hard.

[00:45:39] So yeah, I definitely feel like a lot of people don't talk about moms and postpartum and how they don't have to feel guilty for. Being upset or being sad.  You went through this huge traumatic change, both physically and mentally. So obviously you should expect that person to change, but I feel [00:46:00] like they're just like, Oh no, she's a mom.

[00:46:01] She should just snap out of it. Yeah, she'll be okay. Like she's just going to look at her beautiful baby and it's going to be fine. It's no, that's love this kid to death, but that's not how it's working. 

[00:46:12] Kamini: [00:46:12] Yep, absolutely. 

[00:46:14] Absolutely. And we have to give moms that ability to have that room. It's so important.

[00:46:18]Lola: [00:46:18] It has been a delight talking to you. I am so glad that I got to have you on to share your expertise and share what you do so people can learn more about mindset and mindset shifts and coaching. So, thank you so much for taking that time. 

[00:46:34] Kamini: [00:46:34] Thank you so much for having me. I really 

[00:46:36] appreciate it.

[00:46:36] Lola: [00:46:36] So I'll have it, everything in the show notes guys, because don't worry. I won't have you trying to remember how to spell stuff because I never remember anything. I'll put it all in the show notes so you can find her, you can get you some mindset coaching and thank you so much again, Kamini. 

[00:46:52] Kamini: [00:46:52] Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. 

[00:46:54] Lola: [00:46:54] You're welcome. Thank you for being on. Thanks for joining me this week on the awkward mom stage [00:47:00] podcast. Make sure to visit our Instagram page where you can follow and find information on next week’s show and any updates for the podcast. Make sure you subscribe to the show on iTunes Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast shows. While you're at it,

[00:47:18] if you're enjoying the show, I'd appreciate it so much if you rate the show on iTunes or share this podcast with a friend. Be sure to tune in next Wednesday for an all-new episode. I hope you're having an awesome week happy hump day and always remember you're beautiful! Lola.